BAYVIEW, ID - One local man is doing his part to raise awareness for the rampant social injustice that plagues North Idaho. Biff McHipster is planning to paddle his Rainbow Rhino from Bayview to the Pacific Ocean for the Cause. The Rainbow Rhino Inflatable was a drunken purchase that now symbolizes diversity and BLM, because rhinos come from Africa. That and young chicks dig it.
According to Biff, “North Idaho suffers from massive discrimination, both racial and against sexual orientation. It is so bad that we have almost zero people of color or TCBY’s. Wait, is that a yogurt shop? Nevermind. So I wanted to do something that would be totally meaningless and unhelpful, yet put me in the limelight for my 15 minutes of fame.
“I’m collecting pledges for every mile that me and my Rhino inflatable paddle towards the Pacific. Normally, I come out to the lake every day and paddle around anyways, but this way I can be an attention whore and paddle for the Diversity Cure. All pledges will go to Black Wives Matta, or whatever that group is, and they promise that only 90% will go towards overhead so it’s a good deal. Besides raising awareness for a non-existent problem, I think this will also help me score with all the Washington and Oregon hippy chicks that are visiting here right now, so win-win.”
When asked how he planned to handle the various dams such as Albeni Falls and getting into Canada via the waterway, Mr. McHipster responded with “Huh? Don’t they have like, fish ladders and stuff that I can use? And Canada will have to let me in. I’m doing important work raising awareness, and Canada isn’t racist so they have to let me through.” Pledge sheets can be signed at the Bayview General Store and Laundromat.
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