Congrats President Elect? Biden, by Angus Mooney

 

So, okay, yeah, congratulations President Elect Biden! With that said, the Moose Droppings is going to need some help from the Democrat/Liberal/Great Reset victors:

1. Can we borrow the "#NotMyPresident" hashtag, or is that reserved only for Trump?

2. Do we have to accept the election results or can we cry for four years claiming election interference?

3. Are we entitled to see Biden’s tax returns to learn how his income jumped dramatically in one year?

4. Are we allowed to trash anything that Biden says without repercussion because we're just expressing ourselves?

5. Is there a sign-up somewhere for riots or do organizers call us or how does that work since we didn’t get our way?

6. Are businesses targeted because they supported Biden, or do we just pick a business that has something we want to take home?

7. Were the thousands of businesses that boarded up for fear of riots for conservatives or liberals? If they were for conservatives, did we miss the riots already???

8. Where are the safe spaces at? Is there a map or something? We may need to go cry for a little while (because of how stupid our country has become)

9. Does all the free stuff your party has promised just come, or do we have to quit our jobs first?

10. What is the address you guys have been sending all that extra tax money to since you think people aren’t paying enough in taxes? I’m sure you have been voluntarily sending in more than required....

11. When our 401Ks crash, will the President make up for that in give-a-ways or are we just screwed?

12. Since Socialism is what you just voted in, if our neighbors have something we want do we just take it or do we have to let them know we’re taking it?

13. When gas gets unaffordable after Biden fulfills his campaign promise of shutting down the oil industry, will there be an EBT card for that?

14. We have seen the gatherings of conservatives protesting the election results, but something is wrong, nothing is getting destroyed. Did you guys go to a class for that or could you provide some pointers on how to do it right please?

15. The conservative gatherings were dubbed super spreader events yet the protests, and now election gatherings by liberals are not. Did you guys secretly come out with the vaccine?

16. Funny how CDC has come up with a vaccine soon after you were pronounced the president elect. Can you and all your family and colleagues take it first to ensure it works?

17. So now you are President elect is every death now on you, or is Trump responsibility just at your convenience?

Sorry for all the questions, this is all new to us. We want to make sure we get it right!

Opinion: Fixing Graffiti in Bonner County

 

Graffiti is now an issue in Bonner County. Several concrete structures, park benches, Big Belly garbage cans, light posts and signs have all been defaced in a cryptic scribble that is barely discernible. The Moose Droppings would like to offer the following observations and pro tips:

We fully understand the need for our community’s youth to aggressively mark their territory. It must be exceedingly hard for today’s young vandals to grow up in a community with so much inner city strife, gang violence, and hopelessness. How else can we expect our children to act after being immersed in the natural beauty of Bonner County, with its four seasons of activities, community spirit and educational and sports opportunities. Is it any wonder that our children seek out to emulate the MS-13 gang culture, adopt ghetto monkey fashions and music, and attempt to make uncool and illegible marks on every static object that they can find?

While we empathize with these young urban artists / aspiring rap stars, who are all working diligently to turn their lives around, may we offer them a tip? If you are going to mark your turf, at least have the common courtesy to do so in the king’s english. It would greatly help the rest of us older, oppressive citizens understand what it is that you are trying to convey in your message of despair and pleading. Also, don’t be bashful and sign your full name. Only by manning up and letting us know who you are can a meaningful dialogue be started, in order that your suffering and plight can be fully addressed. It will also help us enhance your street cred after we use your heads as sandpaper to remove your inane scribble and toss your little butts in jail. Peace, out.

Opinion: Get Out of Your Echo Chamber

The Moose Droppings is going to go out on a limb and say that 99.99999% of Americans live in an echo chamber, and put in zero original thought to anything they do, say or believe. If you are reading this, then yes we mean you. Don’t feel bad, the staff at the Moose Droppings is probably equally as guilty. After all, we all have our biases, and it is human nature to want to believe we are corect.

What do we mean by an echo chamber? We mean that as people we actively search out others who will support our beliefs, values and prejudices, and avoid those who will disagree with us. We want to know that we are smarter than everyone who has a different point of view. Therefore we seek out people and information that cheers us on, and devalues any other point of view and debases anyone who holds those points of view. 

The Far-Left naturally seek out CNN, NPR, The New York Times, Rachel Maddow and Bill Maher. The Far-Right live and breathe Fox, Tucker Carlson, The Washington Times, Rush Limbaugh and Dennis Miller. Neither group will listen to anything the other’s pundits will say, unless it comes from a sound bite from their pundits that is used to show what morons the other side is. Psychologists call this confirmation bias, and it wouldn’t be so bad except for the severity of the rhetoric and the level of nastiness being displayed towards our fellow man.

Do you use derogatory terms to alter the names of politicians who disagree with you? You know, Orangeman, The Mocha Messiah, Nazi Pelosi? Bitch McConnell? Then you are guilty of living in the echo chamber, as well as being a disrespectful boor. Ever stated that Obummer or the Drumpf is not your president? Then you have a poor understanding of how a democracy and a republic work, as well as being a sore loser.

The Moose Droppings would like to respectfully request that all of you citizens of this great experiment called America put in some original thought to this election. Wipe your minds clean of your biases, the TV ads and social media sales pitches, and actually do some research on your candidates. See what they stand for, what their party’s stand for, what their voting records have been, and then put some thought into whether or not any of it makes any sense or is actually viable.

When someone promises you the moon, the Garden of Eden, and free anything at no cost to you, fire up your BS detectors and ask how that is remotely possible. Stop having your views and opinions sold to you by the mass media. If Google and Amazon can stick ads for products in front of you based on your browsing history, do you really believe that CNN, Fox, and Youtube aren’t doing the same? For a fun experiment, watch CNN and Fox, side by side, cover a story. If you think only one of those is obviously biased, you need to leave the echo chamber and get some fresh air.

Quit listen to your friends and family. They were sold the same bill of goods that they are now parroting to you. Try voting with logic, instead of emotion and feelings, Quite simply, step out of the echo chamber, and put in some original thought into who you are, and what is important in life. Here’s a little hint, it isn’t free stuff, or the people who promise to give you more free stuff.

Here’s another little hint. Vilifying people for having a different perspective or priorities doesn’t make a person right, it just makes them an intolerant ass. Using or threatening to use force to try and change other’s views doesn’t make for a moral plan for change, it just makes the aggressor an evil bastard. The last western country that seriously ramped up rhetoric, divisiveness, and that had an echo chamber problem was Yugoslavia. Do a little research and see how well that worked out for Slavs. Peace, Out.

Opinion: Why Vote for Trump?

 

If you are a liberal who can’t stand Trump, and cannot possibly fathom why anyone would ever vote for him, let me fill you in. It’s not that we love Donald Trump so much. It’s that we can’t stand you. And we will do whatever it takes — even if that means electing a rude, obnoxious, unpredictable, narcissist (your words not ours) to the office of President of the United States — because the thing we find more dangerous to this nation than Donald Trump is YOU.

How is that possible you might ask? Well, you have done everything in your power to destroy our country. From tearing down the police, to tearing down our history, to tearing down our borders. From systematically destroying our schools and brainwashing our kids into believing socialism is the answer to anything (despite being an unmitigated failure everywhere), while demonizing religion and faith, and glorifying abortion, violence, and thug culture.

From calling us racists every time we expect everyone of any skin color to follow our laws equally to gaslighting us about 52 genders, polyamory, grown men in dresses sharing public locker rooms with little girls, and normalizing the sexualization of young children. You simultaneously ridicule us for having the audacity to wish someone a “Merry Christmas” or hang a flag on the 4th of July, stand for the national anthem, or (horror of horrors) don a MAGA hat in public. So much for your “tolerance.” (See why we think you are just hypocrites??)

We’re also not interested in the fact that you think you can unilaterally decide that 250 years of the right-to-bear-arms against a tyrannical or ineffective government should be abolished because you can’t get the violence in the cities you manage under control. That free-speech should be tossed out the window, and that those who disagree with your opinions are fair game for public harassment or doxing. That spoiled children with nose-rings and tats who still live off their parent’s dime should be allowed to destroy cities and people's livelihoods without repercussions. That chaos, and lawlessness, and disrespect for authority should be the norm. This is your agenda. And you wonder why we find you more dangerous than Donald Trump?

Your narrative is a constant drone of oppressor/oppressed race-baiting intended to divide the country in as many ways as you possibly can. You love to sell “victim-hood” to people of color every chance you get because it’s such an easy sell, compared to actually teaching people to stand on their own two feet and take personal responsibility for their own lives and their own communities and their own futures. But you won’t do that, you will never do that, because then you will lose control over people of color. They might actually start thinking for themselves, God forbid!

This is why we will vote for Donald Trump. Not because he is the most charming character on the block. Not because he is the most polite politician to have ever graced the oval office. Not because he is the most palatable choice, or because we love his moral character or because the man never lies, but because we are sick to death of you and all of the destructive crap you are doing to this once beautiful and relatively safe country. Your ineffective and completely dysfunctional liberal “leadership”(?) has literally destroyed our most beautiful cities, our public education system, and done it’s damndest to rip faith out of people’s lives.

However bad Donald Trump may be, and he is far from perfect, every day we look at you and feel that no matter what Donald Trump says or does there is no possible way he could be any worse for our country than you people are. We are sick to death of your stupid, destructive, ignorant, and intolerant behavior and beliefs — parading as “wokeness.” We are beyond sick of your hypocrisy and B.S.

We are fed up with your disrespectful divisiveness and constant unrelenting harping and whining and complaining (while you live in the most privileged nation in the world), while making literally zero contributions of anything positive to our society. Your entire focus is on ripping things down, never ever building anything up. Think about that as there is something fundamentally very wrong in the psychology of people who choose destruction as their primary modus operandi.

When Donald J Trump is reelected, don’t blame us, look in the mirror and blame yourselves. Because you are the ones that are responsible for the rise of Donald Trump. You are the ones who have created this "monster" that you so despise, by your very actions. By your refusal to respect your fellow Americans, and the things that are important to us.

You have made fun of the “fly-over states,” the people who “cling to their guns and religion,” the middle class factory workers and coal miners and underprivileged rural populations that you dismissively call “yahoos” and “deplorables.” You have mocked our faith and our religion. You have mocked our values and our patriotism. You have trampled our flag and insulted our veterans and treated our first responders with contempt and hatred.

You have made environmentalism your religion, while trashing every city you have taken responsibility for. You scream from the rooftops about “global warming” and a “green new deal” while allowing tens of thousands of homeless people to cover your streets in literal sh!t and garbage and needles and plastic waste without doing a single thing to help them or solve the environmental crisis your failed social policies are creating. But we’re supposed to put YOU in charge of the environment while gutting our entire economy to institute this plan when you can’t even clean up a single city?

You complain — endlessly — yet have failed to solve a single social problem anywhere. In fact, all you have done is create more of them. We’ve had enough. We are tired of quietly sitting by and being the “silent” majority. So don’t be surprised when the day comes when we finally respond. And trust me it’s coming, sooner than you might think. And also trust me when I say it won’t be pretty. Get ready.

When Donald Trump is reelected it will be because you and your “comrades” have chosen to trash the police, harass law-abiding citizens, and go on rampages destroying public property that we have all paid for and you have zero respect for. When Donald Trump is reelected it will be because we are sick of your complete and utter nonsense and destruction. How does it feel to know that half of this country finds you FAR more despicable than Donald J. Trump, the man you consider to be the anti-Christ? Let that sink in.

We consider you to be more despicable, more dangerous, more stupid, and more narcissistic than Donald Trump. Maybe allow yourself a few seconds of self-reflection to let that sink in. This election isn’t about Donald Trump vs. Joe Biden. This is about Donald Trump vs YOU.

So if on the morning of November 4 (or more likely January 19, by the time the Supreme Court will weigh in on the mail-in ballot fiasco that we are headed towards), and Donald J. Trump is reelected? The only people you have to blame is the left-wing, main-stream media drones and yourselves. You did this. Yep you.

Opinion: When Did the Standard Change?

 A recent youtube video proclaimed that having two parents or a male role model was an example of white privilege. The Moose Droppings would like to know, when did the standard for raising children move? The last time we checked, it took a male and a female to create a baby. Along with the right to fornicate, has always come the responsibility to raise the result of said fornication.

Thousands of years of tradition and public policy have maintained that having two parents was moral and necessary. One to kill the meat, one to make the cave. At some point in time, both parties discovered that they could share roles, and might even be able to reverse them on occasion. But regardless, child rearing, like child creation, was a two parent proposition.

Webster’s defines privilege as a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor. So when did having two parents become a granted right? Words mean things, unless you want to change the definition of the word. You know, to suit a particular need or agenda? Having two parents is not a specially granted right, it is basic biology. The village didn’t make the kid, nor are they responsible for raising it.

If a segment of society suffers from a rampant lack of taking responsibility for their actions, then the Moose Droppings would argue that the rest of the planet should not be described as having privilege. Rather, that group of children who suffer from a lack of parental responsibility should be described as being screwed over, and that the parents of those children should be properly motivated to get their collective heads out of their asses.

Note that this argument never mentioned race, religion, education or socio-economic background. There are enough dipshits of all colors on the planet that can be described as screwing over their children. The Moose Droppings would like to admonish any and all Chinks, Cholos, Coons and Crackers to do the right thing, and for everyone else to stop making excuses for them and changing the dictionary to make them feel better about being a dipshit. Let’s keep the standard where it should be, instead of lowering it to make the lowest common denominator feel like they won a participation prize. For once, it actually is ‘for the children’.

Opinion: Becoming LA, are we doing enough? by Moose Droppings contributor C. Howard

In the course of the recent months of the apparent new and novel Black Plague epidemic we have begun to see a massive influx of people from out of state. Quite a few people from eastern Washington, eastern Oregon, Montana, even Wyoming have begun temporarily or permanently immigrating into northern Idaho, looking for a respite from the Silent Monster. The vast majority of these people share similar ideas and concepts to the individuals already residing here, and hence should be summarily ignored. The people we must hurry to accommodate the most are, of course, Californians, Portlandians and Seattlites. 

Yes, the mass migration we saw a little over a decade ago seems to be restarting. In an effort to get away from states that are closed for business for the foreseeable future and that are now enjoying the fun filled pastimes of rioting and looting, quite a few new people are coming in and asking the question we all want to know the answer to: “Why isn’t this exactly like the place that I left?”

This writer has just one question in response... “How can we help them change things for the better?” In order to truly appeal to these out-of-state residents coming in that want to change things, we really have to go for the full experience. We need to embrace vastly more restrictive laws, lifelong bureaucrats in charge of everything, radically higher property taxes to pay for it all and, just so they truly feel at home, a much better quality of taco stand. Covid restrictions that prevent anyone from doing anything productive should also be mandatory, along with pre-planned diversity riot….protests.

We’ve been told that diversity is our strength, and the first step in that direction is welcoming these out-of-state residents with open arms, while also opening our lives and wallets to the meaty paw of government. Now certainly in the upcoming years we will begin to see things like increased property taxes, more restrictive laws going into place, and a general lessening of personal freedoms. But that is a small price to pay for the benevolent and paternal central government that we will be blessed with.

Of course our state government did make an attempt at some Covid restrictions, but unfortunately that has been sporadically enforced along with being all too brief. More will obviously have to be done to attract the kind of enlightened people that our area so desperately needs to culturally grow and flourish. When in doubt about what future policy to support or whether or not to vote for a conservative candidate, just remember ‘This isn’t how they do it in California!’

Our Shout Out to Essential Workers

The Moose Droppings would like to acknowledge and give a special shout-out to all of the essential workers that have kept our community running during the heinous, rampant and novel Corona pandemic. While the rest of us were, or still are, hunkered down, cowering in irrational fear of this new and horrific threat to the survival of our species, these brave women and men help ensure that the rest of America soldiers on.

Where to begin? Foremost in the front lines of this war have been the emergency and medical professionals of our community. Those brave practitioners who successfully diagnosed the four Covid cases in our county through June and sent them home to binge on Netflix, while keeping our sterilized medical facilities safe from outbreaks by effectively closing them. Jobs well done, and we sincerely hope for a speedy recovery to the financial health of your practices and hospitals.

Even more essential, are the workers who brave infection to keep our stores open for supplies. We cannot say enough about the courageous men and women who keep our liquor stores, vapor shops, cbd and pot dispensaries operational, despite the obvious risks to life and lung. And where would we be without everyone who mans our grocery stores and convenience marts, despite having to work around ridiculous three foot wide acrylic screens and having to wear useless homemade face masks around their necks all shift? 

Finally, we would like to acknowledge our brave elected officials, whose leadership and early declaration of states of emergency obviously saved us all from something maybe bad. Your usurpation of power has been truly inspirational to behold, and your trampling of individual liberties and quashing of the American economy was an appropriate Communist Chinese-like response to a Communist Chinese virus. The bravery you displayed by going about your daily lives while forcing the rest of your subjects to shelter in place was admirable and inspirational, and hopefully your constituents take notice of the examples that you set.

Finally, a huge shout-out to all the media outlets, print, video and social, that keep stirring up awareness in the noble pursuit of more clicks and ratings. Now that this tragic pandemic has been magically curve flattened while still growing, so that riots can be held, we pray that a war breaks out in some third world turd anywhere, so that you might actually have some news to report. Who knows, maybe Trump might get impeached again. Better yet, keep pushing the BLM / ANTIFA narrative. Think of the 24 / 7 coverage that doesn’t include the Corona end of the world. Jobs well done, one and all.

Opinion: No Festival Protest Show?

 

As the Festival gears down for the 2020 season, the Moose Droppings is distraught over the cancelling of the show. The Gun Protest Show that is. Since we assume that no one will be showing up to protest now, we would like to encourage both sides to reconsider, and display their true passion for the issue, by holding protests at Memorial Field regardless. Also, the Moose Droppings would like to offer some suggestions to both sides, in the name of professionalism.

For the pro-gunners, consider showing up without your gats in full display, open carry style. Try wearing your Sunday best too. Do you really believe that your cause needs more of a Bubba image than the media already portrays? Attention whoring can be fun and all, but maybe a professional look would be more appropriate. As my Dad used to say, if you don’t want to be treated like a dumbass, then don’t dress like one.

As a novel concept, try protesting the artists that demand gun free performance zones instead of the Festival itself. How about a nice sign depicting the economic loss an artist would have suffered from your lost attendance. 

For the anti-gunners, consider making your case by detailing all the violence that your friends and neighbors have caused at the Festival over the last 37 years. Waiting, waiting, waiting…., sound of crickets chirping. How about this challenge then, employ some sort of tactic other than “If it saves just one life…” or anything else out of Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals. Mass hysteria makes you look, hysterical and all. 

If you choose to carry open or concealed we really don’t care, but The Moose Droppings would like to offer the following pro tip. Sitting in a mini lawn chair, such as at the Festival were it happening, with your pistol digging into your side for a few hours really sucks. Try it out during a protest and see if you can make it work. If you can do it without squirming around like you have an itchy social disease, then go for it. If you can’t, then don’t be a dick and leave your roscoe at home.

For those of you that are apt to scream hysterically at the sight of a gun and call for a full SWAT takedown, please stay home in your Safe Space. Somehow you manage to get through normal life in Bonner County without pulling this stunt ten times a day, and just like the camo clad Bubbas you seem to hate and fear so much, the rest of us consider you to be an attention whore as well. 

A better thought might be for both sides to come together and protest the County Commissioners for starting a pissing match whose sole benefit was a devastating economic loss to the county, right when we needed it the most. Maybe protest the city for the timely switch to artificial turf, which placed even more strain and uncertainty on the Festival. We know the Festival said something about the Corona, but that was the Festival probably just being polite.

On second thought, maybe we can all just enjoy the festival next year without any dramatics. Maybe mingle with our neighbors, armed or not. Maybe say ‘Hi’ to a friend, or make a new acquaintance or two. Maybe, and here is a novel thought, for a few hours we can all just be music lovers, who are looking to have some dinner, dessert, watch a cool show, and support our community. Leave your biases at home, and try having some fun and enjoying the moment.

Opinion: My Body, My Choice?

The Moose Droppings has been noticing quite a bit of political hypocrisy going on, even more so than the normal amount regularly encountered. In the last few weeks, many politicians who traditionally favor pro choice and abortion rights have been tripping over themselves to order mask mandates and forcing medical decisions upon the citizenry they supposedly represent. This begs the questions, whatever happened to My Body, My Choice?

If one is to remain consistent in their philosophy regarding personal freedoms in health care decisions, then shouldn’t mask usage be optional? How can one reconcile the proposition that it is okay to terminate an unborn life and then require and enforce mandates for mask usage, because ineffective as they are it may ‘save a life, somewhere, somehow’?

If politicians have to ‘do something’, at least make mask usage dependent upon one’s current health risk factors and statistical probability for having a fatal reaction to the Covids. How is it that the biggest germ factories the world has ever known, infants and toddlers, are not required to wear masks while the rest of us have to?

The Moose Droppings would like to propose its own plan. Considering that the entire planet has either had the Coronas, have the Coronas, or will be catching the Coronas, how about if we let individuals decide if they would like to wear a mask or not. The Moose Droppings understands that their are those who have age and/or medical risk factors for whom mask usage makes sense. The Moose Droppings also understands that the rest of the population could give two farts of a Twinkie about the Covids, as they are statistically more likely to perish from drowning, even though they don’t own a pool or swim in a lake.

If My Choice, My Body is appropriate for one medical condition, then it is appropriate for all medical conditions. Each individual should be responsible for their own health, and society as a whole should not be enforcing mandates, especially feel-good, virtue signaling, wholly ineffectual ones. Our advice to the politicians who failed Intro to Logic: quit making the cures worse than the disease. You’ve done enough already.

Opinion: How About All Lives Matter?

Seriously, why all the concern over Black Lives Matter where we live? It would seem to be as big an issue as jumping on the La Raza bandwagon to support our oppressed hispanic community. How is it, that in a populace that is 95% caucasian, do we have zero people other than caucasians complaining of bigotry and protesting for reforms?

Is it possible that our caucasian community feels the oppression of local law enforcement? After all, 99.9% of all traffic stops, arrests, prosecutions and incarcerations are of caucasians. When was the last time a non-caucasian was prosecuted, let alone convicted of a capital crime and sentenced to death in Bonner County? Where are all the calls for this obvious law enforcement bias, profiling, and abuse of power to stop.

Is it possible that all of the protestors are LPOSD graduates, maybe even LPO alternative high school graduates? Maybe after watching “The Jerk” they too discovered, like Steve Martin’s character, that they were all poor black children? It is truly hard to imagine any other reason for so many caucasians to be protesting the obvious discrimination and abuse inflicted daily within our community, with the wrong color on their signs. 

If a group of protestors stand on the side of the road with White Lives Matter signage, how would they be perceived? How about Brown Lives Matter? Yellow Lives Matter? Red Lives Matter? Green Lives Matter (for any self-identifying Martians in the community)? Isn’t singling out one color (race) racism in and of itself? And if your reaction to any of the above was a snicker, disdain or disgust, then aren’t you in fact racially biased and bigoted?

Maybe it should be explained to these protestors that they are actually human beings, not black children, and that to be truly inclusive, and not divisive, that All Lives Matter.

Opinion: Rioters, Maybe Trash a Different Place?

Public protests with violence have always been a fun American tradition going back as far as the Boston Tea Party in 1775. Displaying one’s unhappiness with a social situation is always made more fun and festive with destruction of private property, looting, assault and murder. But have we learned nothing over 250 years of mayhem?

Reflecting in his later years upon the consequences of the Tea Party, John Adams wrote that “It was kind of a bummer. Destroying the tea seemed like a good idea at the time, but do you have any idea how long it took to replenish the supply chain? Those slow boats from China take forever to get to Boston. At least we were smart enough to dress like drunken Indians, which confused the British enough that they didn’t know who to blame.”

Fast forward to 2020, and Americans are still trashing their own neighborhoods and destroying local stores that cater to the communities. Even more troubling, our modern day rioters aren’t even smart enough to dress up as Indians, or even Mexicans (everything nowadays gets blamed on illegals). And the end results are the same, with rioters doing more to hurt their own communities while their oppressors stay safe on the other side of the world.

The Moose Droppings would like to offer the following advice: If a person or community feels the need to stage a riot and trash stuff, go do it in your oppressor’s neighborhood. Trust us when we say that the impact will be more meaningful. As a bonus, when you get home from the riot, you’ll still be able to go to the store for eggs and toilet paper, unless the Corona becomes a thing again. Peace (or not), Out.

Opinion: Schools. Do We Even Need Them?

By Droppings Contributor Karen Hysteria

As a parent of two gifted children. I have to ask the question we are all asking during this uncertain time: do we even need schools anymore?

Official numbers report that the odds hover at a staggering 0.0005% that a child might contract and be killed by the silent monster of coronavirus. With two gifted children, I know I can't take that risk. Thankfully our local school district has chosen to close its doors for the safety of all our children. If it saves just one life, it will have been worth it. For the children.

The closure, however, raises a common question: who is going to watch our children during the upcoming summer months? Us? Parents rely on the schools to feed and take care of their children for nine months of the year, and normally we just have to deal with our kids for two months in the summer and two weeks around the holidays. By the time summer starts, I will have already entertained my children for three months! That will be half the year by Labor Day!

Because of the stay at home orders, parents are now feeling the full effects of having to deal with their own children for extended periods of time. I hear some saying they would have put their kids up for adoption if they had known parenting was going to be this hard. Even though my kids are gifted, I don’t appreciate the extra burden the new policies have placed on me. We pay taxes and vote for the levies so these heroes, the teachers – martyrs, even – can do this thankless job for us. Now, not so much.

My son, gifted in honors math, recently met with his teacher for their weekly three-minute Zoom session. It sure looked to me like Mr. Mackay was out fishing, and not in his home office working on creative ways to challenge my child and keep him occupied for several hours.

Local school districts have been trying for the last decade to get a supplemental levy passed for the purpose of upgrading and building new school facilities, but with this new normal the facilities won't be needed, so no more levies. With distance learning, the district doesn't need brick and mortar schools anymore, just a laptop for every teacher, and can eliminate expenditures on school buses and drivers, custodial staff, sports teams, and all extra-curricular activities. The district is saving money, as in not spending a dime, on supplies, fuel, food, and utilities, yet has also seen an increase in federal funding now that 100% of all registered students are assumed to be "in class" while at home sheltering in place in front of the TV.

I heard that all the remaining teachers and district administration just got hazard pay raises and bonuses, but meanwhile I'm managing at least ten timeouts every day and threatening spankings just so I can evenly space out my sangria spritzes.

Of course we all know that a strict attendance policy, with time spent in school in front of an engaging and knowledgeable teacher is the true key to student success. Hello, Mr. Mackay? Now it's like the schools are just compiling lists of internet sites to forward to students where they can learn about math and stuff. My daughter, who is gifted, used to be in the accelerated English class at school, but the most writing she's had to do lately was write thank-you notes to her grandparents for Christmas presents from the last few years and a three-page essay on the importance and value of her English teacher.

Despite having missed all this class time, schools will still be advancing all students to stay home and keep enrollment numbers high. We are sooo sincerely grateful for the leadership that our schools have provided during this national emergency, and for demonstrating their true value to the community by doing virtually nothing.

Now pour me another glass before I frickin' lose it!

Opinion: Supply Chains For Dummies

By Droppings Economist Milton Friedman

Shoppers remain perplexed over the empty shelves now common in supermarkets everywhere. Paper products have been especially hard hit, with their aisles looking like they've been ravaged by a stampeding herd of deranged water buffalo. Everyone seems to ask the same question: “Why don't they just make more?”

As a tutorial to my dear readers and ass-wiping aficionados everywhere, allow me to explain how just-in-time supply chains work. Say a grocer usually orders in two cases of toilet paper per restock shipment, three times per week on average. When shoppers react to a perceived crisis or threat and wipe out an entire aisle of products, the store has to place a restock order, which has to be processed, palletized, and shipped from their distribution facility. An emergency restock order for toilet paper to meet demand would be over thirty cases.

The distribution facility will in turn be wiped clean within a week by every store it serves ordering massive quantities of the same products. The distribution facility will then deplete the regional wholesaler for the same reasons. At this point the supply chain is effectively wiped out all the way back to the manufacturer, who will then have to make a decision as to whether or not to increase capacity and production in order to keep the pipeline flowing freely.

If the manufacturer believes that the herd of buffalo will continue to stampede for the foreseeable future – if dumbassery is perceived to be the new normal – then they can justify the effort and expense of adding in a second shift or constructing new facilities. However, if they believe that the herd simply panic bought, mindlessly and without thinking ahead, then there will soon be a greatly reduced demand for their products as one can only wipe their ass so many times. The manufacturer will then not invest in new production and the supply chain will be slow to restock, with empty shelves lasting for quite some time.

I hope this helps selfish panic hoarders everywhere better understand the modern supply chain and the consumer’s role in it, and remind everyone that mullein, which grows in abundance in the area, makes a superb natural toilet paper.

Opinion: East Coast Elitists Attempt to Educate Backwoods Idahoans on Viral Danger

By Droppings Contributor Dick Denker

On April 8th, the New York Times ran an article detailing the tragic results of the coronavirus as it swept a rampagous path through North Idaho, and the response from certain local leaders and outlying constitutional cravers. The article attempted to Identify North Idaho as inhabited by crazed hillbillies who blatantly disregard the certain peril they face from the virus, and their callous disregard for the lives of their friends and neighbors as well.

A photo of Bonner General Hospital’s unused and unneeded COVID-19 triage tents, with a purposefully strolling healthcare professional (hero) garbed up in a lab coat and a mask, led the article. What the Times failed to note was that the worker was on his mid-morning break, heading back from one of the tents where he had reheated his lunch and snuck in a cocktail after having played solitaire to pass the time as he literally has nothing to do all day.

Following this gripping report were pictures of a vacant city beach and empty playground equipment, closed to area youth. There was a no mention of North Idaho's weather in early April, that it had snowed the day before, and that no one really uses the beach when it’s forty degrees outside and raining.

Although listed as being reported from Sandpoint, the article started off detailing a Boise rally (because Boise = Idaho) being held by that stalwart of rational discourse, Ammon Bundy. Apparently the Times can’t read a map or pinpoint the distance between Boise and Sandpoint. Nor do they realize that Bundy, who doesn’t even live in Idaho, doesn’t speak for all of us, and further gives no concession toward a rational person wanting to question the data of the coronavirus and governmental response to save us all from this "heinous disease".

The Times also alluded to the high infection rate in Blaine county, home of Sun Valley resort. You know, the place 400 miles from Sandpoint, the place where all the rich and famous fly in and out of for the skiing and winter socializing? They managed to tie that right back to North Idaho, without mentioning the horror of our actual four confirmed cases, all of whom are recovering at home with Domino's pizza, light beer (Corona, no doubt. Salud!), and Gilligan’s Island reruns.

Our town would like to respectfully disagree with the obvious bias shown by the Times coverage of our little slice of paradise, and point out the obvious bigotry that they show for our citizens and state. At the same time, we would also like to thank them for perpetrating the inbred hillbilly stereotype of our citizenry (even without mentioning the scary black rifles we all tote around), as we hope it will keep the more enlightened out of North Idaho. Hopefully these pillars of elitist idealism will pick a different place for their retirement safe spaces, allowing our community to make its own decisions on its well being without their influence or moral superiority being interjected.

Might we suggest a new city slogan? Sandpoint: We’ve had enough of you, Corona.