Opinion: Becoming LA, are we doing enough? by Moose Droppings contributor C. Howard

In the course of the recent months of the apparent new and novel Black Plague epidemic we have begun to see a massive influx of people from out of state. Quite a few people from eastern Washington, eastern Oregon, Montana, even Wyoming have begun temporarily or permanently immigrating into northern Idaho, looking for a respite from the Silent Monster. The vast majority of these people share similar ideas and concepts to the individuals already residing here, and hence should be summarily ignored. The people we must hurry to accommodate the most are, of course, Californians, Portlandians and Seattlites. 

Yes, the mass migration we saw a little over a decade ago seems to be restarting. In an effort to get away from states that are closed for business for the foreseeable future and that are now enjoying the fun filled pastimes of rioting and looting, quite a few new people are coming in and asking the question we all want to know the answer to: “Why isn’t this exactly like the place that I left?”

This writer has just one question in response... “How can we help them change things for the better?” In order to truly appeal to these out-of-state residents coming in that want to change things, we really have to go for the full experience. We need to embrace vastly more restrictive laws, lifelong bureaucrats in charge of everything, radically higher property taxes to pay for it all and, just so they truly feel at home, a much better quality of taco stand. Covid restrictions that prevent anyone from doing anything productive should also be mandatory, along with pre-planned diversity riot….protests.

We’ve been told that diversity is our strength, and the first step in that direction is welcoming these out-of-state residents with open arms, while also opening our lives and wallets to the meaty paw of government. Now certainly in the upcoming years we will begin to see things like increased property taxes, more restrictive laws going into place, and a general lessening of personal freedoms. But that is a small price to pay for the benevolent and paternal central government that we will be blessed with.

Of course our state government did make an attempt at some Covid restrictions, but unfortunately that has been sporadically enforced along with being all too brief. More will obviously have to be done to attract the kind of enlightened people that our area so desperately needs to culturally grow and flourish. When in doubt about what future policy to support or whether or not to vote for a conservative candidate, just remember ‘This isn’t how they do it in California!’

Bitch, Moan

City Separating Families

Dear Editor,

City Leaders are separating families that openly defy Operation Final Solution. Many expectant parents were rounded up last year, permanently tagged with a yellow star leg band, and loaded onto trains, banished from the city for life. However, in an act of brazen and open defiance to our Leaders’ commands, these parents have returned to their former homes at City Beach to birth and raise their children, as their ancestors have for thousands of years.

The City Leaders have vowed to retain the purity of the community, and are now in the process of rounding up these mongrel families. These previously branded parents are to be taken to the Gooscwhitz facility where they will be removed from the City property for all eternity. The children of these impure creatures will be branded with the leg band yellow star, loaded onto trains, and removed to an undisclosed lake in central Idaho, with instructions to stay in their new ghetto and never return to the city.

The City will also be conducting a “Scared Straight” program, where some of these children will get to view their parents as they enter the Gooscwhitz delousing station, for the very last time. They will then be taken to the Wang’s All You can Eat Buffet to view the evening’s cuisine, before they are deported via train. The City’s Leaders claim that this will virtue signal the City’s intentions to remain pure and free of any undesirable families.

Larry "Mad Dog" Fury
Sagle


Anyone Home?

It has come to my attention that you are, in fact, a species of retards, idiots, and morons, blindly led by a small group of deranged imbeciles powered by greed and evil.

Never before have I been able to sit back and enjoy so much nonstop entertainment from you people. From bickering over who gets to bring his gun where, to $6M artificial turf wars, to how to handle the seemingly unconquerable challenge of dealing with bird shit in a park.

Keep it up, my former fellow earthlings. The show is great from out here! And when I've had enough of you, I just change the channel.

George Carlin
Long Gone