BONNER COUNTY, ID - BNSF railroad is looking to import workers to build the new bridge across Lake Pend Oreille. Company representatives have been conducting an exhaustive search, but so far have come up empty. Various world-wide trends have hampered the search, and are threatening to delay construction.
An anonymous company source stated “We are entering the dangerous winter-time phases of construction, and prefer to use off-the-books, foreign labor, so as to not have to worry about OSHA or life insurance payouts. Foreign labor was the right choice for us in the 1800’s, and it remains so today. As a result, BNSF is now actively recruiting an Exploitation Manager to seek out a suitable foreign country whose citizens are willing to risk death for $1 a day.” The source listed their attempts to outsource labor, and the roadblocks that BNSF has encountered:
Africanians: Predominately black, their lives matter too much
Chinkanese: Corona, Covid, Wuhan Flu, Opium now illegal
Indians (Dot): Management can’t stand the smell of curry
Indians (Feather): They have casinos, no longer willing to die for BNSF
Koreans: Not sure which half is Best Korea, unwilling to chance it
Mehicans: All available already in Bonners Ferry picking hops
Paddys: Still too drunk
Pollocks: Too busy changing light bulbs
Russians: No time for a three year congressional investigation
Samoans: Can’t afford to feed them
Swedes: Too much risk of getting an Islamic terrorist
Ukranians: Can’t afford the kickbacks to Biden and Pelosi
Wops: Loss of Columbus Day hampering recruitment, National Origins Act still enforced
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