Wednesday, April 1, 2020

City Makes Great Strides in Destroying 1st Ave Businesses

Sandpoint, ID - Not content with the efforts to destroy all business trade on First Avenue over the last three years, the City of Sandpoint has doubled up on its efforts for 2020.
For the past three summers, city leaders have tried to discourage business by repeatedly closing and demolishing the main thoroughfare during the highest periods of tourist activity. This year, the City seized the opportunity of a fourth demolition by taking advantage of the national coronavirus shutdown.
At a meeting of Sandpoint’s COVID-19 Task Force, City Council members stated that ignoring the city’s vision for First Avenue is simply unpatriotic. The council also commented that their vision of a beautiful and wide open First Avenue, free of traffic and the scourge of capitalism, can only be achieved if we all do our part during this crisis.
It has been our vision all along to make First Avenue feel like a park, where people can gather for social events and not worry about getting hit by cars, dealing with pushy merchants, or have trouble finding a place to eat during high volume times in the summer," a deep-state source within the council reported. "Our campaign so far has been somewhat successful, but with everyone being guilted into doing their part to stop the coronavirus, we thought why not take advantage of the hysteria and trash the street again, for the win.”
First Avenue sounds too much like First World, and Sandpoint wants to embrace a diverse world vision. We thought this could be best achieved if we gave First Avenue a Third World feel, with block after block of shuttered businesses, open sewage pits, and piles of rubble lining the demolished street."
City leaders opined that their vision may be realized if they can prolong the pandemic through the month of August.

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