For Sale

38 cases of Toilet Paper, 155 cases of bottled water, 17 cases of Top Ramen, 6 cases of rubbing alcohol, 2 pallets of rice, 1 pallet of wheat, 3 pallets of MRE’s, 3 generators (no fuel), and a life-size non-violent cardboard cutout of Rambo to scare away looters. See Moon Child at the CBD store for prices and info.

Sandpoint Fine Dining: Gato Tacos

PONDERAY, ID - With the loss of Fiesta Bonita due to fire earlier this summer, finding a restaurant for taco tuesdays was becoming a challenge for area residents. Most Mexican dining establishments have eliminated all specials, as they need to sell full priced Coronas (beer) to recover from the Corona (virus). Fortunately for Ponderay, a new option is now open for Taco Tuesdays, as well as lunch and dinner any day of the week.

Jaime Guttierez has opened Gato Tacos in the back of his converted ice cream van, in the parking lot of the local animal shelter. After being furloughed from the Budweiser hops fields North of Bonners Ferry, Mr. Guttierez looked around and noticed that no one was getting the real Mexican dining experience. After investing in a dilapidated ice cream van, obtaining some picnic furniture from the Dufort Mall, and being rubber-stamped a health certificate, Mr. Guttierez opened for business last weekend.

When asked about his start up, Mr Guttierez stated “The health inspector was nice, he give me certificate without looking. He says he no go near van as I had Corona banner up. And location provides for plenty of meat, just like mi Abuela used to cook in Mehico. We have extensive menu, you try comida.”

For the Moose Droppings dining review, we were treated to a Carp Quesadilla appetizer and a jumbo 4 litre pitcher of margaritas. Dinner was a sampler plate of Murciélago Molle, Perro Poblano Burritos, Cucarachachangas, and the house specialty Gato Tacos. All the food was flavorful, with lots of new spices and different meats to delight the senses. The Moose Droppings would also like to send its thanks to Mr. Guttierez for serving Margaritas the way they should be served: in a huge pitcher, on the rocks, with a lot of tequila. Job well done sir, job well done. We can’t recommend Gato Tacos highly enough.

How to Effectively Argue, Part 5

 

This is the fifth article in an eight part series that is intended to help our readership understand and engage in modern logic and debate techniques

Still relying on logic and reason to make your points, enhance your debates, and for letters to the editor? The Moose droppings would like to introduce you to Saul Alinsky’s 12 Rules for Radicals. The first three are:

* RULE 1: “Power is not only what you have, but what the enemy thinks you have.” Power is derived from two main sources – money and people. “Have-Nots” must build power from flesh and blood. (These are two things of which there is a plentiful supply. Government and corporations always have a difficult time appealing to people, and usually do so almost exclusively with economic arguments.)

 * RULE 2: “Never go outside the expertise of your people.” It results in confusion, fear and retreat. Feeling secure adds to the backbone of anyone. (Organizations under attack wonder why radicals don’t address the “real” issues. This is why. They avoid things with which they have no knowledge.)

* RULE 3: “Whenever possible, go outside the expertise of the enemy.” Look for ways to increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty. (This happens all the time. Watch how many organizations under attack are blind-sided by seemingly irrelevant arguments that they are then forced to address.)

Bonner Boogie Showcase

 

Luxury basement efficiency rental. Recently remodeled, with upper quarters moved to a new site. The basement as of now is unused and fresh as well. Basement photos will be posted as soon as lighting allows, Located next to a sanitary lagoon, and only minutes away from fine shopping and dining at the Dufort Mall. $750 per month, plus security deposit and a drug test. Stool sample not needed. Contact Resort Realty for more information.

For Sale

Vintage Adult Video collection on BetaMax format. Over 500 classic titles from the early 70’s. Most of the jackets are in good shape and not too sticky. Contact Justin in cell 12 at the jail for more info.

Opinion: Becoming LA, are we doing enough? by Moose Droppings contributor C. Howard

In the course of the recent months of the apparent new and novel Black Plague epidemic we have begun to see a massive influx of people from out of state. Quite a few people from eastern Washington, eastern Oregon, Montana, even Wyoming have begun temporarily or permanently immigrating into northern Idaho, looking for a respite from the Silent Monster. The vast majority of these people share similar ideas and concepts to the individuals already residing here, and hence should be summarily ignored. The people we must hurry to accommodate the most are, of course, Californians, Portlandians and Seattlites. 

Yes, the mass migration we saw a little over a decade ago seems to be restarting. In an effort to get away from states that are closed for business for the foreseeable future and that are now enjoying the fun filled pastimes of rioting and looting, quite a few new people are coming in and asking the question we all want to know the answer to: “Why isn’t this exactly like the place that I left?”

This writer has just one question in response... “How can we help them change things for the better?” In order to truly appeal to these out-of-state residents coming in that want to change things, we really have to go for the full experience. We need to embrace vastly more restrictive laws, lifelong bureaucrats in charge of everything, radically higher property taxes to pay for it all and, just so they truly feel at home, a much better quality of taco stand. Covid restrictions that prevent anyone from doing anything productive should also be mandatory, along with pre-planned diversity riot….protests.

We’ve been told that diversity is our strength, and the first step in that direction is welcoming these out-of-state residents with open arms, while also opening our lives and wallets to the meaty paw of government. Now certainly in the upcoming years we will begin to see things like increased property taxes, more restrictive laws going into place, and a general lessening of personal freedoms. But that is a small price to pay for the benevolent and paternal central government that we will be blessed with.

Of course our state government did make an attempt at some Covid restrictions, but unfortunately that has been sporadically enforced along with being all too brief. More will obviously have to be done to attract the kind of enlightened people that our area so desperately needs to culturally grow and flourish. When in doubt about what future policy to support or whether or not to vote for a conservative candidate, just remember ‘This isn’t how they do it in California!’

Moose on the Street: What are You Doing to Cope with Fire Season?

 

Oh crap, did another bar burn down? Otis Inman, Town Sot

I’m fully stocked and prepped from Corona, so I’m never leaving my house again. Homer, 93 year old retiree

Ohhh. I thought the air looked a little smoky, but just assumed it was from my bong. Moon Child, California Trust Fund Baby

What, like, made the sun go away and stuff? How am I supposed to tan? Madison, High School Senior

I’m blaming Trump! Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump! Bad! Crazy Woman From Clark Fork

Something Smart: Al Bundy

 

“That is the problem with everything. They try and make it better without realizing the old is fine.”

Best of Bonner County Contest?

While the Moose Droppings appreciates the efforts of the Bonner Daily Bee and their ‘Best of’ contest, we have noticed that they have left out several categories near and dear to the hearts of our readership. The Moose Droppings is therefore proud to announce our own “Best of Bonner County’ contest. Categories are listed below. Please make your nominations on our Blogspot page, and feel free to add extra categories as needed. Winners will be announced when we get around to it.

Best Dive Bar to get 86’d From         

Easiest Place for Underaged to Buy Alcohol         

Drunkest Man in Bonner County         

Drunkest Woman in Bonner County         

Best Full Body Tattoo Coverage         

Best Place for Free Medical Care

Best Place to Avoid Social Distancing Protocols         

Best Yard Art Display (photo nominations)       

Best Tyvex or Tarp Wrapped House (photo nominations)        

Best Pot Shop

Best CBD Shop

Loosest Woman 

Biggest Slut with Nuts

Youngest Grandmother

Youngest Grandfather

Most Colorful Character

Worst Tweaker for Hire

Dumbest Local Politician

Bicycle Culvert Exceeds Expectations

SAGLE, ID - Bonner County Road and Bridge reports that the Bottle Bay Road Bicycle Culvert has exceeded their wildest expectations. When originally constructed during the summer of 2019 by MacDonall and Son, the $1.5 million dollar culvert was expected to see an annual usage of up to five bicyclists per year. For the year to date in 2020, so far the culvert has seen seven bicyclists, prompting Road and Bridge to conduct a press conference at the culvert to announce its success.

Various county officials spoke at the September 10th press conference, highlighting the necessity of the project, and downplaying the inconvenience to the residents of the Bottle Bay area. Numerous times, it was mentioned that the half hour each way extra commutes inflicted upon those county residents was a small price to pay for the enhanced safety of the summer bicycling community. While officials did acknowledge that no bicyclists had ever been killed or injured previously at the old crossing, nor had an accident ever been reported, that the safety of Bonner county’s children was of the utmost importance, and that the bicycle culvert represents Bonner county’s commitment to its most vulnerable citizens.

In preparation for the press conference, road crews were able to remove all the chalk graffiti with steam cleaners and evict the homeless heroin addict living in the culvert, all in under one hour. The homeless man was transported to Naples to become Boundary county’s problem. The press conference was also momentarily interrupted when a seven year old girl attempted to pedal her Barbie Bike through the proceedings. Quick thinking by police rerouted her onto highway 95 to cross in the old manner, so as not to disturb the orations. The child was seen walking her bike across Bottle Bay road and waving to a passing driver that she apparently knew, all without a police escort, and all without suffering death or maiming by a crazed and reckless motorist.

High Council Unveils New Mask Incentive

 

SANDPOINT, ID - Unsatisfied with Covid-19 mask usage in the Sandpoint area, the Supreme Leader and the High Council unveiled their newest incentive to gain voluntary compliance, Beijing-like air quality. Last weekend, Bonner county was inundated with a smoky haze designed to make area citizenry crave breathing filter masks on a 24 / 7 basis. Area monitors from the Ministry of Peace and Genocide report that early indications show that three times as many subj...citizens are now more mask compliant than one month ago.

In a secret deep-state meeting of the High Council two weeks ago, the Supreme Leader lobbied for and received approval to proceed with Operation Torched Forest. Torched Forest is designed to lower regional air quality to that of industrial India or China, thus compelling citizens to voluntarily start wearing facial masks. The High Council had been stymied as to how to gain voluntary compliance from people who have grown weary of Covid-19 health restrictions and no longer believe in the severity of the Silent Monster, and saw Torched Forest as the answer.

Torched Forest is a coordinated campaign, and includes the assistance of other large, metropolitan cities whose High Councils are also having difficulty controlling their subj….citizens. After several closed meetings, Facebooking sessions and Facetime calls, Operation Torched Forest was launched all over the Northwest Region. By last Saturday, the degradation of air quality necessary to achieve mass  mask compliance was achieved.

A spokesman for the High Council stated Sunday that “Although we have had to sacrifice thousands of square miles of our forests and rangelands, we believe that we have slowed the heinous and rampant Corona to a level that will not overwhelm our healthcare system. Sure, there have been a small uptick in hospitalizations and deaths from Asthma, Emphysema, COPD, Heart Attacks, etc. but we see that as a minor compared to what Covid could have caused. Besides, it has been a slow fire season to date, and all of those fire people were just killing time at their jobs, bored. Now they can participate in the community and feel better about themselves.”

For Sale: Lightly Used 1937 New Holland Baler

 

Lightly used 1937 New Holland Baler for sale. Some original faded yellow paint visible through not too pitted rust. All original controls and PTO hookup, all freshly reattached with new, NEW, baling twine and duct tape. Not too much dry rot on the tires. Only $15,000. Call Bob.

Local Political Caucuses Announced

BONNER COUNTY, ID - The Bonner County Republican Party will be holding its annual meeting at the Sandpoint High School Gymnasium September 1st at 7:00PM. Reservations are encouraged as the facility can only seat 2,000. A host of issues are slated to be discussed, and the meeting is expected to last eight hours. Priority will be given to planning for the county’s future growth needs.

The Bonner County Democratic Party will be holding its annual meeting in Edna Crabapple’s Potting Shed on September 3rd. No reservations needed, there will be plenty of room. As an enticement, at least one local candidate will be bringing donuts for all to enjoy. Attendees have the option of helping Edna prepare her tomatoes for the winter greenhouse. Racial justice and keeping the Covidiocracy will be discussed.

Moose on the Street: What’s Your Favorite Festival Memory?

 

Not hearing that damn racket all night long this year. Homer, 93 year old retiree

Gettin’ knocked up behind the bleachers by muh’ cousin, or uncle, who can remember? Ida Ho Inman, Clark Fork

Passin’ out at the last concert. Otis Inman, town sot

Stealin’ muh brother’s beer after he passed out. Amos, Otis’ brother

Makin’ $20 bucks at each show the last 10 years. Nancy, retired barfly with Emphysema

Lost Tourist Sues City Over Maps

 SANDPOINT, ID - A South Carolina resident has filed a lawsuit against the city, citing emotional trauma and threat of bodily harm, after becoming hopelessly lost while visiting a popular city beach.

Caitlin Upton, of Lexington, states she arrived here by car for a weekend vacation, stopping first at City Beach under the guidance of her GPS navigator. Upon exiting her vehicle, she walked up to one of three large poster-size maps of Sandpoint and found it completely unreadable. Upton said the map was "totally sun faded, waterlogged, and had, like, dead bees and stuff stuck in the glass," rendering it unreadable and serving no purpose.

Upton states it was at that moment she became filled with terror as she looked around, having no idea where to go. Further adding to the ordeal, Upton noticed the landscape around her was covered with a "heinous amount" of goose droppings, forcing her to tiptoe to the nearest bench to rest. Because she was unable to plan a route anywhere, Upton ended up spending the entire weekend sleeping on the bench. Also due to the absence of signage and restroom facilities, Upton was forced to go behind a tree. Later attempts to scavenge trash cans for food came up empty handed after Upton discovered she couldn't reach far enough into the narrow chute of the waste receptacle.

Noted in the suit is the irony of elitist cruelty in flaunting expensive, high-tech garbage cans with solar panels stationed beside unreadable maps that cost less than $10 to reprint. Clearly readable maps have been proven to save lives and get people where they need to go, at their own volition.

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps, like such as," said Upton. "If the map wasn't faded and I knew how to read it and speak coherently, this never would have happened and we will be able to build up our future. For our children. "

The plaintiff's attorneys are suing for $1,000,000.

How to effectively Argue, Part 4

This is the fourth article in an eight part series that is intended to help our readership understand and engage in modern logic and debate techniques

Last issue the Moose Droppings explained how to use emotion to counter even reasonable arguments. This time we would like to expand on the concepts of “common sense measures” and “reasonable first steps”.

All issues facing modern society have a solution, even if they don’t. For example, we could end all DUI fatalities by simply banning alcohol. This would be super effective, just like it was during the time of the 18th amendment, otherwise known as prohibition. Oops, time to try something else.

A more “common sense measure” that would allow everyone to keep drinking would be to require ignition interlocks in every vehicle on the road. By assuming that everyone is a raging and irresponsible alcoholic, these interlock devices can save lives. Further, we could lobby for the prohibition of the private ownership of automobiles, and require everyone to use public transportation. This would be a “reasonable first step” towards eliminating the scourge of alcohol related fatalities. 

One might argue that these restrictions would be too draconian, and would never be enacted as they would affect something that too many people care about and would be directly affected by. The Moose Droppings would like to respond by reminding those who hold this position that they are RACIST, MISOGYNISTIC, and that IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN, and IF IT ONLY SAVES ONE LIFE…

Bonner Boogie Showcase

Luxury Fixer Upper in beautiful Sagle. Many renovations have already been completed, including the removal of half the roof. Three coffee shops within one mile, and walking distance to an award winning public school. County plow trucks take care of the minimalist driveway. A true North Idaho Gem offered at only $489,000. Imagine the Possibilities!

Our Shout Out to Essential Workers

The Moose Droppings would like to acknowledge and give a special shout-out to all of the essential workers that have kept our community running during the heinous, rampant and novel Corona pandemic. While the rest of us were, or still are, hunkered down, cowering in irrational fear of this new and horrific threat to the survival of our species, these brave women and men help ensure that the rest of America soldiers on.

Where to begin? Foremost in the front lines of this war have been the emergency and medical professionals of our community. Those brave practitioners who successfully diagnosed the four Covid cases in our county through June and sent them home to binge on Netflix, while keeping our sterilized medical facilities safe from outbreaks by effectively closing them. Jobs well done, and we sincerely hope for a speedy recovery to the financial health of your practices and hospitals.

Even more essential, are the workers who brave infection to keep our stores open for supplies. We cannot say enough about the courageous men and women who keep our liquor stores, vapor shops, cbd and pot dispensaries operational, despite the obvious risks to life and lung. And where would we be without everyone who mans our grocery stores and convenience marts, despite having to work around ridiculous three foot wide acrylic screens and having to wear useless homemade face masks around their necks all shift? 

Finally, we would like to acknowledge our brave elected officials, whose leadership and early declaration of states of emergency obviously saved us all from something maybe bad. Your usurpation of power has been truly inspirational to behold, and your trampling of individual liberties and quashing of the American economy was an appropriate Communist Chinese-like response to a Communist Chinese virus. The bravery you displayed by going about your daily lives while forcing the rest of your subjects to shelter in place was admirable and inspirational, and hopefully your constituents take notice of the examples that you set.

Finally, a huge shout-out to all the media outlets, print, video and social, that keep stirring up awareness in the noble pursuit of more clicks and ratings. Now that this tragic pandemic has been magically curve flattened while still growing, so that riots can be held, we pray that a war breaks out in some third world turd anywhere, so that you might actually have some news to report. Who knows, maybe Trump might get impeached again. Better yet, keep pushing the BLM / ANTIFA narrative. Think of the 24 / 7 coverage that doesn’t include the Corona end of the world. Jobs well done, one and all.

Something Smart: Will Rogers

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like."

Moose on the Street: What was the Best Part of the Demolition Derby?

 

The Beer Garden. Otis Inman, town sot

Gettin’ knocked up under the bleachers by muh’ cousin, or uncle, who can remember? Ida Ho Inman, Clark Fork

The T-shirt launcher and free candy and stuff. Madison, High School Senior

Finally seeing a car that looks worse than my beater Hyundai. Desmond, local gearhead and aviation tinkerer.

Gettin’ a ride on the back seat into the arena, and my Ma was actually proud for once. Nancy, retired barfly with Emphysema

Memorial Field Gears Up for Protests

 

SANDPOINT, ID - With the cancelling of the Festival at Sandpoint this year, numerous groups were left without a populated venue to protest at. However, said groups have refocused their efforts for the opening of Friday Night Lights at Memorial Field. That’s right, high school football this week will see four groups protesting for their causes. 

SAAW or Second Amendment Attention Whores will be out in force, dressed in camouflage and openly carrying scary looking rifles to assert their right to be armed at public facilities. SAAW wants everyone to know that the Festival isn’t the only contracted user of Memorial Field, and SAAW intends to make their presence felt every time the high school uses the facility. The group FEAR, or ‘Fraid Everyone’s Armed ‘Roundme, will also be out in force. FEAR wants it known that no one with a gun can be trusted, and that includes family, friends, neighbors, police, military. Anybody.

The group YCBS, or You Can’t Be Serious, will be protesting the city’s installation of astroturf at Memorial Field, including its installation cost plus all of the unintended consequence costs that the astroturf has created. In contrast, the group TAXME (Take All eXtra MonEy) will be carrying signs demanding that the city astroturf City Beach and raise taxes to accomplish that goal. 

This year’s football season is shaping up to be extra fun. With a little luck, by the end of the season maybe some negroes and hispanics can be bussed in from Spokane and Memorial Field can hold a protest race riot. The sky's the limit with our fringe citizen’s imagination plus outside influence and money.

Democrats Make Huge Gains at Fair

BONNER COUNTY, ID - The Bonner County Democrats had a banner year at the county fair. First off, the democrats were able to enlist a new member, who also agreed to help work the booth. With all three members working the booth, the excitement around the table was contagious. Also helping matters, the Bonner County Democrats booth was located adjacent to the Jehovah’s Witness’ booth, and both were able to piggyback traffic off of each other.

The county’s oldest democrat, universally known as the Crazy Woman from Clark Fork, stated “This year we broke all records during county fair week. We had a total of twelve people stop by, almost three per day! And only ten of them were asking for directions to the restroom! We gave out two pamphlets, and both people promised to consider voting for a democrat in this year’s election.”

“We were concerned about being located next to a religious organization, but being able to piggyback off of the Witness’ really helped get our message out. Stats wise they had slightly more traffic with thirteen contacts, but all of those were asking for directions to somewhere else, and they didn’t give out any pamphlets at all. Bonner County Democrats are truly excited for our prospects this election cycle, we may even get more votes than the Green party!”

Demolition Derby Recap

 

BONNER COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS, ID - With no Festival and no other entertainment options, the Demolition Derby at the Bonner County Fair was the cultural event of the year, and saw record attendance. An estimated 3,000 plus spectators crammed into the standing room only arena, eight of whom were spotted wearing Covid masks. These lucky fans were treated to a record number of derby entrants who spent well over $5,000 each to try and win a $10 trophy to place on the mantle at home. The Beer Garden was in high gear as well, crushing a keg every ten minutes from an hour before starting time, all the way through the final event.

The entertainment was not limited to the crushing of cars or the county’s favorite drunks all gathered in one place. In the name of racial equality, the Fair hired an anglo Mushmouth to handle the announcing duties and play music during the downtimes. Mushmouth treated the crowd to a full color commentary performed in a combination of Iraqi-Navajo and Drunklish. In between sounds of ‘Abba doobah dinga’ and ‘dablah mehba ploohan’, Mushmouth wooed the crowd by playing the Bonner County favorites YMCA, Thriller, and I Like Big Butts, all with text alert pings every ten seconds, and all in the name of our vast diversity.

The Derby entrants did not disappoint. Three events were run, with a four car field in the compact ‘light’ division, a five car ‘amateur’ field, and a twelve car ‘pro’ class field. The compacts were fun to watch ping pong off of each other, and survived a surprising amount of abuse. The amateurs put out one heck of an effort as well. But the Pros topped the show, with a roll-over and another vehicle up on its side, trying to become a car-b-que. Vehicular mayhem never looked so good, and at the end of the night most of the derby cars reverted back to their status as daily drivers. Win-Win for the crowd and the drivers. As a final note, Panhandle Health, in their Derby coverage, reported that they expect 2,992 new cases of Covid to appear in the next two weeks.