Happy Thanksgiving!!

Feel free have some good food, drink and conversation. And by all means, watch a movie or two with the kids and skip the festivities at Walmart. We promise that you will be richer for the experience.

Encoder Denies Addition of New Sub-Basement

 

WESTMOND, ID - Local company Encoder Products is vehemently denying the rumored new addition of a fourth sub-basement to their Sagle plant. Local sources have been speculating on the new addition construction, as what other reason could there have been for the construction site port-a-johns being placed in the parking lot for no reason in particular during the Corona lockdown.

Local conspiracy theorist Larry “Mad Dog” Fury made the connection with the port-a-johns, and vlogged about how it was obviously for the secret construction of the fourth sub-basement. Mr. Mad Dog has long postulated on the secret sub-basements of Encoder, claiming that he had proof of a secret weapons lab being run out of the original super secret sub-basement, back in 1971. His undeniable evidence was his noting of the number of ‘small’ trains that run past his house towards Encoder in the wee hours of the night, when no one else is inclined to pay attention.

Mr. Mad Dog then developed the theory that a second super secret sub-basement was constructed in 1980 to house a coca plant growing operation, with an attached cocaine lab and distribution center. Finally, Mr. Mad Dog decided in 2004 that a third super secret sub-basement had been constructed and leased back to the government, to house a super secret black site rendition facility, for all the terrorists that are caught sneaking in through the porous Canadian border.

Mr. Mad Dog says that he isn’t positive what the new super secret fourth sub-basement will be used for, but he is 90% sure that it will be something involving a weapons grade Bio Lab. Encoder’s press officer had no official comment other than to vigorously deny the allegation, but she did express concern about the tightness of Mr. Mad Dog’s tin foil hat.

Sandpoint Fine Dining: The Corndog Cart

 

SANDPOINT, ID - Outdoor dining just got a little healthier with the addition of the Corn Dog Cart to the downtown food court. Local farmer and fruity red wine fanatic Eva Sangria has opened the newest culinary delight to fight off what she claims has been “A local mediocrity in dining options.”

When asked about her eatery, Ms. Sangria said “I got the idea from my boyfriend while we were at the Super Juan deli counter. I was looking at the vegan salad options when I noticed him staring at the Jalapeno Corn Dogs and drooling like his dog does when she stares at a taco chip. I said ‘Oh Hell to the no, get away from there’, but ten minutes later he was in the frozen food section buying a value pack of the disgusting things. Right then I decided to come up with a healthy alternative that his dumbass would unknowingly eat. Hence, the creation of the Corn Dog Cart.”

For the Moose Dropping’s initial dining experience, Ms. Sangria started us off with a Panko Wrapped Cod Corndog, lightly and crisply fried in coconut oil. The main course was her famous Cucumber Corn Dog, breaded with Gluten Free hand ground maize; a surprisingly tasty combination. Both courses were complimented by a Huckleberry and Lime Sangria, that was so delicious the Moose Droppings ordered multiple glasses of it for dessert. 

While we were pleased with the offerings with the Corn Dog Cart, especially the art-crafted sangria, the Moose Droppings decided to comparison shop and ventured over to Super Juan for a dozen of their deli-fresh jalapeno corn dogs. Despite the lack of nutritional value, the one beak that we found in the ‘dog’, and the dubious nature of which exact farm animal was processed for the meat, we have to agree that Ms. Sangria’s boyfriend might be onto something. Still, give the Corn Dog Cart a try. Healthy eating isn’t all bad, and the sangria makes it worth it.

Opinion: Fixing Graffiti in Bonner County

 

Graffiti is now an issue in Bonner County. Several concrete structures, park benches, Big Belly garbage cans, light posts and signs have all been defaced in a cryptic scribble that is barely discernible. The Moose Droppings would like to offer the following observations and pro tips:

We fully understand the need for our community’s youth to aggressively mark their territory. It must be exceedingly hard for today’s young vandals to grow up in a community with so much inner city strife, gang violence, and hopelessness. How else can we expect our children to act after being immersed in the natural beauty of Bonner County, with its four seasons of activities, community spirit and educational and sports opportunities. Is it any wonder that our children seek out to emulate the MS-13 gang culture, adopt ghetto monkey fashions and music, and attempt to make uncool and illegible marks on every static object that they can find?

While we empathize with these young urban artists / aspiring rap stars, who are all working diligently to turn their lives around, may we offer them a tip? If you are going to mark your turf, at least have the common courtesy to do so in the king’s english. It would greatly help the rest of us older, oppressive citizens understand what it is that you are trying to convey in your message of despair and pleading. Also, don’t be bashful and sign your full name. Only by manning up and letting us know who you are can a meaningful dialogue be started, in order that your suffering and plight can be fully addressed. It will also help us enhance your street cred after we use your heads as sandpaper to remove your inane scribble and toss your little butts in jail. Peace, out.

Bonner Boogie Showcase

 

Resort Properties Intranational is pleased to offer this exclusive luxury motorhome, which includes almost 500 square feet of National forest with full squatter’s rights. Located in the beautiful Panhandle National Forest, not even 15 miles form Lakeview, this luxury RV has been resting in the same spot for over twenty years, qualifying it for a rare squatting exemption by the Forest Service. Styled in the same motif as Walter White and Jessie Pinkman’s classic cooking Winnebago, this rare North Idaho treasure exudes class and stature. Hill side views of trees, open and airy floor plan, and a bathroom as big as the great outdoors. Only a short one hour commute to Clark Fork. A literal steal at on $350,000.

COVID a Huge Disappointment to China, India

BEJING, CHINA - At a press conference yesterday, the Chinese and Indian (dot, not feather) governments expressed their complete disappointment with the heinous, novel and rampant corona virus. Both governments stated that they were expecting a much higher death toll, and had planned on that high death toll for fixing many of their country’s woes.

According to the Indian (dot, not feather) ambassador, “India’s population is double our beloved country’s carrying capacity. We simply cannot please to be supporting our citizens and give them any sort of quality of life. We have people starving and defecating in the streets! Although we are not sure how starving people can defecate so much. We were counting on the Corona to return our population level to something more sustainable.”

The Chinese ambassador said that “This heinous, Trump caused disease failed to meet any of our state planning goals for reducing global emissions that the evil Trump has also caused. First he unleashes a wholly ineffective pandemic, and then it does nothing to reduce the Beijing smog problems that he caused through American decadence. The WHO promised us a 400,000 reduction in our population, but that promise was broken. For the safety of the world, Never Trump Again! Ever! Now if only the Big Guy can keep that idiot Hunter off the damn internet.”

The Indian (dot, not feather) Ambassador further iterated that “We are very pleased and happy to be working with Mr. Biden in the future. Mr. Biden’s son is pleased to be on the board of our newest enterprise, which will bring back call centers to Mother India, which is where they belong. That bad, bad Trump moved our beloved call centers to America, where not one of our people could understand a word the Americans working the phones would say. Trump is bad. Very, very bad."

Something Smart: Bill Hicks

“This is where we are right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is a sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.” Bill Hicks, comedian

USBP to Move Christmas Party

 

EASTPORT, ID - To further celebrate October’s record $2.1 million dollar drug seizure, the local division of the US Border Patrol has decided to move its year-end Christmas party to a different location. The seizure included 84 pounds of cocaine, and 198 pounds of meth. Suspects were detained both in the United States as well as Canada.

According to USBP officials, morale had been waning at the regional office in Bonners Ferry, and officers had been really not looking forward to the annual Christmas party and sweater exchange that is normally held in the break room. But as the USBP now has something to celebrate, management made the decision to relocate the party to a more festive location. Many venues were considered, including the Kootenai Casino, Talus Rock, and Trinity at City Beach but with such a large haul and spirits running high,  a vote was held and employees overwhelmingly chose a week in Las Vegas.

An unidentified  source close to the investigation explained “Since we already have suspects in custody, and only a few ounces of the illicit drugs need to be kept as evidence for the trials, we all thought it would be a huge morale booster to close out the year in style. We tried to find a suitable local venue, but BNSF is no longer importing comfort women for their workers, and Wallace’s red light district has been closed for years. I mean, C’mon Man! You can’t celebrate a large cache of cocaine without hookers, amiright?”

A special account was established at a local bank to fund the party, and scads of anonymous donations in $9,900 increments have been pouring in. Additionally, agents are planning on taking a few kilos of cocaine to Las Vegas to show to their brother officers, and plan on destroying the drugs afterwards. The week-long year-end party will be held at the Bellagio penthouse, which came highly recommended from Hunter Biden. Numerous side trips to the Cottontail Ranch in Pahrump, for field research, will be featured as part of the week’s activities. Wives and girlfriends are specifically excluded from this year’s party, as the transportation and destruction of this evidence has been deemed too risky for civilians.

Voter Fraud Rampant in Bonner County

 

7B WIRE - The Idaho Elections Commission has opened an investigation into the 2020 election held last week in Bonner county. Commission Officials were concerned by the results reported by Bonner county, and an informal probe revealed much suspicious activity and probable widespread voting fraud. A formal investigation was announced at yesterday’s press conference at the Commission’s headquarters in Boise.

As reported by the Bonner county elections department, Democratic candidates received a substantial increase in votes across all contested races, as compared to past election cycles. The average number of votes cast for Democratic candidates in the 2020 election, including all federal, state and county offices, was 8,472. The Idaho Election Commission felt that this number stood out as an anomaly compared to the 2018, 2016, 2014, 2012, 2010, and 2008 average of four votes being cast for all Democratic candidates in all of those elections.

The Idaho Elections Commission traced all known registered Democrats living in Bonner county, and concluded that through 2018 there were indeed only four. They included a local community paper publisher, a perennial candidate that runs for any open office with no hope of winning, the mayor of the county’s largest town, and a crazy woman living in Clark Fork. Further investigation revealed that with the boom in Bonner county’s population growth, maybe two or three more Democrats may have snuck in, and were most likely on the largest town’s city council.

The Idaho Election Commission press secretary summed up their findings by saying “Looking at past trends and statistical analysis, the IEC can understand Democratic candidates receiving at least seven, and maybe as many as twelve votes each. But 8,472 on average? C’mon Man! That just reeks of widespread voter fraud and rampant cheating. In what reality did Democrats think that would go unnoticed? The only thing that remains confusing to the IEC, is why they would choose to cheat their way into second place, which they had a lock on before all of their fraud?” Formal charges are still pending against all four known democrats, and are expected to be filed before year-end.

Bonner Boogie Showcase

 

Thriving North Idaho business for sale. This unique flea market / auto repair / flophouse is now available for those savvy investors looking for a unique opportunity. Consistently grossing receipts in the tens of dollars annually, with 4 current tenants, one of whom actually pays rent. This property is also zoned Industrial 3, so no worrying about any EPA sanctions in the future, despite anything that you may ‘accidentally’ spill. Freshly updated paint and landscaping out front, with the potential for an oil well in the back by the old pit. Become your own boss NOW! Offered at only $1.5 million exclusively through Billy Bob’s Business Brokerage, Medical Marijuana and CBD Emporium.

Clark Fork Starts a New Tradition

 

CLARK FORK, ID - Looking to enhance diversity and culture, the town of Clark Fork is seeking to start a new tradition. Piggybacking on the Mexican Quinceaneras, the town is pushing its new KinCanPickMeNows celebrations.

Quinceaneras are a Mexican coming of age party for their young women, celebrated in conjunction with a young miss’ 15th birthday. These gatherings allow families to introduce their daughters to the communities as eligible young women, hopefully while still unpreggers, and give an excuse for family and friends to eat and drink like pigs.

The proposed KinCanPickMeNows are to take place on a young woman’s 14th birthday, the day that she can be legally married off in idaho. And unlike a quinceanera, being preggers in Clark Fork will be seen as cause for a double celebration. As Clark Fork is a small and shall we say, ‘tight knit’ community, KinCanPickMeNows seemed like a good name for the new celebration. So far, seven KinCanPickMeNows have been planned for the rest of the year, with the appropriate feasts of poached animals and roadkill plus White family moonshine reserved for the townspeople.

How to Effectively Argue, Part 8

 This is the final article in an eight part series that is intended to help our readership understand and engage in modern logic and debate techniques

Still relying on logic and reason to make your points, enhance your debates, and for letters to the editor? The Moose droppings would like to introduce you to Saul Alinsky’s 12 Rules for Radicals. The last three are:

* RULE 10: “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.” Violence from the other side can win the public to your side because the public sympathizes with the underdog. (Unions used this tactic. Peaceful [albeit loud] demonstrations during the heyday of unions in the early to mid 20th Century incurred management’s wrath, often in the form of violence that eventually brought public sympathy to their side.) 

* RULE 11: “The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative.” Never let the enemy score points because you’re caught without a solution to the problem. (Old saw: If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Activist organizations have an agenda, and their strategy is to hold a place at the table, to be given a forum to wield their power. So, they have to have a compromise solution.) 

* RULE 12: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” Cut off the support network and isolate the target from sympathy. Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions. (This is cruel, but very effective. Direct, personalized criticism and ridicule works.)

The Moose Droppings hopes that this series has been helpful, and will entice our readers to take the time to write nonsensical, illogical and emotional charged tirades and rants to the various newspapers around the county, just like the pros do now.

Knifepoint, Liberia Dealing With Covid

KNIFEPOINT, LIBERIA - Health officials in Sandpoint’s sister city, Knifepoint, are struggling to keep up with rising Covid-19 infections. Anonymous sources familiar with the pandemic have reported that the mayor of Knifepoint is now considering the curtailing of services and restricting movement in order to contain the heinous and rampant outbreak of the Cornbirus.

The source stated that the mayor is planning on closing all AIDS treatment facilities and prophylactic distribution centers, and rerouting those funds for Corona purposes. The mayor believes that with his new social distancing protocols that AIDS will no longer be spread and that the area’s birthrate will naturally decline. Health officials are also on board with these proposals as the Corona is way more heinous and trendy than the AIDS.

Knifepoint residents will also be prohibited from selling arms and munitions to any rebels or groups that have not been tested for the Cornbirus. Any such rebels and groups must have a government approved negative test result for the Covids, before they may enter Knifepoint to rearm for their next ethnic cleansing. All rebel groups will be required to adhere to the mayor’s social distancing standards during village exterminations. The one concession that the mayor made was that mass graves can continue to be used, without violating social distancing rules.

Something Smart: Doug Stanhope

 

“Democracy is the worst kind, I’m sorry but it is. 'We get to pick our leaders.' Well, what if I don’t want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own, I don’t want to be led. Is that freedom?” Doug Stanhope, Comedian

Voter to Actually Research Candidates

HOPE, ID - In an unprecedented display of concern, local voter Mary Ann Watson has announced that she will actually perform research on all candidates before she votes this coming November 3rd. For the past 33 elections, Mrs. Watson has been concerned that her past methods of choosing candidates have been flawed, leading her to vote for officials who have acted in ways counter to her beliefs, morals and principles. By actually becoming an informed voter, Mrs. Watson hopes to avoid making bad decisions going forward.

When interviewed, Mrs. Watson stated that “Before TV, I used to make my voting choices based on what my family and friends told me. I just assumed that they knew what they were talking about, and went with their advice so that I would remain popular with my group. Then TV came along, and we were all able to choose the candidate who looked the best and said the neatest stuff in those thirty second commercials. But recently, I have come to figure out that my friends are all kind of dumb, and I think the TV might be lying to me.”

Mrs. Watson started by going on-line and checking out every candidate's personal web pages to find out what they were trying to accomplish, as well as their party’s platforms. She also applied some critical thinking skills to determine if any of what she read made any sense whatsoever. For incumbents, she also looked into their past voting records to see if their votes matched up with their stated positions. Finally, she checked on each candidate’s financial disclosures to see who was funding their campaigns.

“I was truly shocked and dismayed, to find out that the people I had been voting for all along had nothing in common with me. In fact, I am seriously considering switching political parties once my parents pass away. I would do it now, but then I would have to hear about it from my dad. It seems like these candidates are all a bunch of professional lying, money grabbing, attention whores who have nothing to offer but a nice smile, a meaningless platitude, and gross incompetence. I’m pretty sure that most of them are dumber than my friends, and that they are all probably alternative school flunkees.”

“As of now, I’m not holding out a lot of hope for the county, state, or the country. I was checking out the Panamanian, Nigerian and Ukranian elections, and at least they have candidates that can speak clearly and make a point. I may just move to avoid the BS and corruption that encompasses this country.”