Bitch, Moan

City Separating Families

Dear Editor,

City Leaders are separating families that openly defy Operation Final Solution. Many expectant parents were rounded up last year, permanently tagged with a yellow star leg band, and loaded onto trains, banished from the city for life. However, in an act of brazen and open defiance to our Leaders’ commands, these parents have returned to their former homes at City Beach to birth and raise their children, as their ancestors have for thousands of years.

The City Leaders have vowed to retain the purity of the community, and are now in the process of rounding up these mongrel families. These previously branded parents are to be taken to the Gooscwhitz facility where they will be removed from the City property for all eternity. The children of these impure creatures will be branded with the leg band yellow star, loaded onto trains, and removed to an undisclosed lake in central Idaho, with instructions to stay in their new ghetto and never return to the city.

The City will also be conducting a “Scared Straight” program, where some of these children will get to view their parents as they enter the Gooscwhitz delousing station, for the very last time. They will then be taken to the Wang’s All You can Eat Buffet to view the evening’s cuisine, before they are deported via train. The City’s Leaders claim that this will virtue signal the City’s intentions to remain pure and free of any undesirable families.

Larry "Mad Dog" Fury
Sagle


Anyone Home?

It has come to my attention that you are, in fact, a species of retards, idiots, and morons, blindly led by a small group of deranged imbeciles powered by greed and evil.

Never before have I been able to sit back and enjoy so much nonstop entertainment from you people. From bickering over who gets to bring his gun where, to $6M artificial turf wars, to how to handle the seemingly unconquerable challenge of dealing with bird shit in a park.

Keep it up, my former fellow earthlings. The show is great from out here! And when I've had enough of you, I just change the channel.

George Carlin
Long Gone