Local Governments Fear Corona Infecting Money

7B Wire - State, county, and city governments are all concerned that the coronavirus may have infected their treasury accounts. This time last year, every Idaho governmental entity was flush with funds, due to an exceptionally strong economy and a huge influx of new residents.This year, however, has been a different story, with almost every treasury balance freefalling to zero.

Despite closing half of all businesses and driving forty percent of Idaho’s workforce into unemployment, governmental leaders are unable to find the direct cause of the massive hemmoraging of money from their coffers.

At a meeting of Idaho Governmental Treasurers last Wednesday, the theory was put forth that the coronavirus may have infected the monetary system and is now killing off the paper fibers that make up physical currency, thereby causing its disappearance.

“All the effects of the coronavirus are not fully understood, and with the virus being novel and all, we thought that we would come up with our own novel theory," stated Idaho Treasurer Ivana Golddigger. "Besides, nothing else seems plausible, and our theory is as proven as all the coronavirus catastrophe curves and charts.”

Based upon the risky speculations, Washington officials came up with the simple solution to just print more money and funnel it into the economy to help kickstart a massive domino effect of hyperinflation and subsequent economic collapse, forcing a global reset likely to result in worldwide oppression and conflict.

“We all have to do our part to eradicate this global terror. Until we can determine how coronavirus infects and destroys our money, taxpayers and the federal government will have to do their part and give us more," Golddigger instructed, when asked if the loss of tax revenue from the business closures and the increased unemployment expenses had any direct bearing, "In the meantime, we are working very hard with the scientific communitiy to develop an accurate model and encouraging everyone to fatten the curve of our treasury accounts in order to advance the research and to help save lives.”