Sandpoint,
ID - The community mourns the loss of eight employees of local tech
firm Mojava after they engaged in what appears to be a mass suicide.
Victims' names are not yet known due to a delay in recovery efforts
caused by social distancing requirements, along with legally clearing
any culpability on behalf of the firm.
The
group of workers was spotted Tuesday morning marching in a lifeless,
robotic manner along the Long Bridge, where minutes later they were
seen leaping over the edge one after another, plunging into the icy
waters of Lake Pend Oreille. Several passing motorists witnessed the
ordeal.
"They
looked like a bunch of zombies, or zombie lemmings, like their minds
were just fried," stated area woman Alotta Daiquiri, who stopped
her car to watch them jump to their deaths. "Having to stare at
flickering screens all day in the sanctity and comfort of what used
to be their home? No wonder they lost it."
The
workers had recently been ordered to work from home due to the virus,
instantly altering a lifestyle accustomed to kicking back together on
beanbags during team meetings while sipping on frothy coffee drinks
all day.
The
name Mojava is a slang industry term meaning "more coffee",
used when referring to tech industry projects dull enough to induce
glassy-eyed comas. It also hails from the ancient Kalispell Indian
word for "devastatingly and mind-numbingly boring", and was
historically used in song and dance ceremonies to help ward off
negative soul-sucking energies.
A
representative from Mojava expressed deep remorse over the loss,
stating such a tragedy will "never happen again" before
posting eight immediate job openings on Craigslist and other job
boards.
No comments:
Post a Comment