Merry Xmas from the Moose Droppings

 

May you be blessed with family and friends, the people who love you and those that you love. All the rest is bullshit.

Alibaba Recovers From Production Debacle

WUHAN, CHINA - Mr. Wang Hung Lo has been named Executive Vice President of Alibaba Group’s new facemask division. According to an Alibaba press release, Mr. Hung Lo not only saved the corporation from a huge production debacle, but he set a new corporate record for all time profit gouging from unsuspecting westerners. Mr. Hung Lo will transfer over from his former duties as a manufacturing assistant at the Alibaba jockstrap division.

Wang Hung Lo’s storied rise to acclaim happened last year, after Mr. Hung Tzu Loos, president of the jockstrap division, ordered 10 billion units to be produced in pink. Tzu Loos wanted to exploit the west’s fascination with breast cancer, and decided to include the pink concept with the corporation’s jockstrap offerings. The program was a dismal failure, and nearly bankrupted the division.

Mr. Hung Lo, however, noticed an opportunity when he discovered that the corporation’s jockstraps, which were sized for the average asian male, were the same size as a competitor’s face masks made specifically for the overweight American and European markets. Mr. Hung Lo collaborated with the Alibaba infectious disease division to create a new heinous, rampant and novel mystery disease, and after a brief but effective marketing campaign the American and European markets were duped into making face masks mandatory.  

Not only did Mr. Hung Lo sell the 10 billion units, but he managed to sell them for $3US apiece, a huge increase over their former 5 cent US selling price. Additionally, Mr. Hung Lo created whole new product lines, by introducing other designer colors and by placing designer animals and phrases upon the jockstraps / face masks. To date, an additional 100 billion units have been ordered world wide. The genius of Mr. Hung Lo cannot be overstated, as now 93% of all Chinese production has been dedicated to useless and ineffective designer face mask production, making Mr. Hung Lo a true titan in the business world, rivaling Bill Gates and Steve Jobs for corporate influence.

Jagged Needle Tattoo & Piercing December Pin-Up

Our Christmas Calendar Girl this year is Red Death. Red Death self identifies as an angry tri-sexual trans-spider monkey. Red Death is fresh out of its 14 hour rehab stint, is off parole, and says it is asymptomatic after its free clinic treatments. Red Death will be working the back room at Jagged Needle all December, so come by and see her for a special happy ending, free with all of our services. Just a little Christmas extra from all of us at Jagged Needle for all of our loyal customers.

Man Gets Finger Stuck in Ear

OLD TOWN, ID - Police and emergency personnel were dispatched last Wednesday to the Jagged Needle tattoo parlor in Old Town. Local tattoo artist Inkspot was working on a “rad new design” on the top of the skull of one of his customers, when he paused to scratch the side of his head. As he was attending to the itch, his middle finger accidentally slipped inside of his ear gauge and became lodged.

EMTs were forced to strap Inkspot to a gurney and stabilize his neck in an attempt to remove the stuck digit from the hole in Inkspot’s ear lobe. At first Inkspot’s finger and ear were liberally doused with gear oil, but the finger was too thoroughly wedged and his skin too greasy to allow the crew to achieve separation. A sheriff’s deputy resolved the situation by grabbing Inkspot’s nose, and ripping the finger through what was left of the bottom of his ear lobe.

EMTs then attended to Inkspot’s customer, who declined to be named. Apparently the sticking of the finger had caused Inkspot’s head to become unbalanced, allowing the tattoo needle to drift off its intended course, and permanently disfigure the “rad new design”. When Inkspot first attempted to yank his finger out, his initial tug accidentally forced the tattoo needle to imbed itself into his customer’s cranium. 

EMTs successfully removed the stuck needle by having two men sit on top of the customer, while a third EMT grabbed onto the needle, put his feet on the customer’s shoulders for leverage, and pulled like hell. Unfortunately, the needle was activated during the removal process, causing even more disfigurement to the “rad new design”. A civil lawsuit is expected to be filed against Jagged Needle, the sheriff’s department and EMTs. Damages are expected to be awarded in the tens of dollars.

Congrats President Elect? Biden, by Angus Mooney

 

So, okay, yeah, congratulations President Elect Biden! With that said, the Moose Droppings is going to need some help from the Democrat/Liberal/Great Reset victors:

1. Can we borrow the "#NotMyPresident" hashtag, or is that reserved only for Trump?

2. Do we have to accept the election results or can we cry for four years claiming election interference?

3. Are we entitled to see Biden’s tax returns to learn how his income jumped dramatically in one year?

4. Are we allowed to trash anything that Biden says without repercussion because we're just expressing ourselves?

5. Is there a sign-up somewhere for riots or do organizers call us or how does that work since we didn’t get our way?

6. Are businesses targeted because they supported Biden, or do we just pick a business that has something we want to take home?

7. Were the thousands of businesses that boarded up for fear of riots for conservatives or liberals? If they were for conservatives, did we miss the riots already???

8. Where are the safe spaces at? Is there a map or something? We may need to go cry for a little while (because of how stupid our country has become)

9. Does all the free stuff your party has promised just come, or do we have to quit our jobs first?

10. What is the address you guys have been sending all that extra tax money to since you think people aren’t paying enough in taxes? I’m sure you have been voluntarily sending in more than required....

11. When our 401Ks crash, will the President make up for that in give-a-ways or are we just screwed?

12. Since Socialism is what you just voted in, if our neighbors have something we want do we just take it or do we have to let them know we’re taking it?

13. When gas gets unaffordable after Biden fulfills his campaign promise of shutting down the oil industry, will there be an EBT card for that?

14. We have seen the gatherings of conservatives protesting the election results, but something is wrong, nothing is getting destroyed. Did you guys go to a class for that or could you provide some pointers on how to do it right please?

15. The conservative gatherings were dubbed super spreader events yet the protests, and now election gatherings by liberals are not. Did you guys secretly come out with the vaccine?

16. Funny how CDC has come up with a vaccine soon after you were pronounced the president elect. Can you and all your family and colleagues take it first to ensure it works?

17. So now you are President elect is every death now on you, or is Trump responsibility just at your convenience?

Sorry for all the questions, this is all new to us. We want to make sure we get it right!

Something Smart: Dalai Lama

 

No matter how the American election turns out, half of the populace will feel they were cheated. Same same if it goes to their Supreme Court.

Moose on the Street: Is Election Fraud a Real Thing?

You betcha, Dewey didn’t win, the mainstream media is lying! Homer, 94 year old retired farmer.

I, like, should have won homecoming queen and stuff. I was cheated. Madison, High School Senior

Bud Light Cheated, no way they won the Bud Bowl. Otis Inman, town sot

My guy won this time, so obviously there was no fraud like last time when that dick Trump won by cheating with Russia. Moon Child, Trust Fund Baby

I saw a statistical analysis and would have read it, but no one said there would be a math test this year. Karen, Average American Voter.

Extreme Makeover: Bonner Mall

 

PONDERAY, ID - With the emminent closing of J.C. Penney, local citizenry have been fretting over the future of the Bonner Mall. Fear not people of Bonner County, the Mall is slated for an Extreme Makeover! Management has been developing a new theme for the old mall, and basing it on the model of its major anchor, Dollar Tree. For those that haven’t noticed, Harbor Freight renovated the old Sears space, and had a Black Friday Grand Opening.

Management was unsure of what to do with the Penney’s space, but negotiations have begun with Bonner General Hospital and the Panhandle Health District to turn it into a Covid-19 isolation ward. The Penney’s space is expected to be able to house the expected 2,992 new cases that both health agencies are awaiting to show symptoms, which they fear were contracted by attendees of the Demolition Derby who blatantly eschewed social distancing and mask mandates for cheap entertainment and expensive beer. 

On the small chance that the Silent Killer was not contracted by the derby attendees, the City of Sandpoint has agreed to take over the space to use as the Ministry of Truth and Propaganda’s Restorative Justice and Reeducation camp. The Ministry of Peace and Retribution has been rounding up suspected and convicted violators of the Love Lives Here campaign, and local detention centers are overflowing, making the Penney’s site very attractive. 

As for the rest of the internal empty spaces, Mall management has stated that it is in negotiations to lease space to the Used Food Store, a tattoo and body piercing enterprise, a yoga studio, as well as a senior citizen’s activity center. Additionally, management was excited to announce that a new bar will be opening up soon, right next to the Department of Motor Vehicles office just like before! Extreme Makeover indeed! Job well done.

Mueller Looking Forward to New Election Tampering Investigation

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Having been unemployed since wrapping up the 2016 Trump Election Collusion Investigation, Special Counsel Robert Mueller is eagerly awaiting congress to start the 2020 Election Investigation involving voter fraud allegations. Assuming that congress would want to appear fair and impartial, and not seem like the Trump investigation was just a witch hunt, Mr. Mueller held a press conference announcing his ability to start working immediately.

Mr. Mueller stated that “Surely congress will want to get to the bottom of this issue, you know, to be fair and all. In 2016 they turned me loose with a blank check to look into some seriously he said / she said types of allegations, and now they have all of these affidavits, video evidence, statistical analyses, and acknowledge that at the minimum some fraud did occur, but that it probably wasn’t enough to be meaningful.

“I feel I have so much more to work with this go-around, and that I should be able to drag this out for at least three years, spend closer to 100 million dollars, and that I can even generate a conviction that will be related to the actual original allegations. Besides, I have a third vacation home that I need to pay for, and have been eyeing a first generation corvette that is coming up in next year’s Barrett Jackson auction.”

BNSF Looking for New Labor Force

BONNER COUNTY, ID - BNSF railroad is looking to import workers to build the new bridge across Lake Pend Oreille. Company representatives have been conducting an exhaustive search, but so far have come up empty. Various world-wide trends have hampered the search, and are threatening to delay construction.

An anonymous company source stated “We are entering the dangerous winter-time phases of construction, and prefer to use off-the-books, foreign labor, so as to not have to worry about OSHA or life insurance payouts. Foreign labor was the right choice for us in the 1800’s, and it remains so today. As a result, BNSF is now actively recruiting an Exploitation Manager to seek out a suitable foreign country whose citizens are willing to risk death for $1 a day.” The source listed their attempts to outsource labor, and the roadblocks that BNSF has encountered:

Africanians: Predominately black, their lives matter too much

Chinkanese: Corona, Covid, Wuhan Flu, Opium now illegal

Indians (Dot): Management can’t stand the smell of curry

Indians (Feather): They have casinos, no longer willing to die for BNSF

Koreans: Not sure which half is Best Korea, unwilling to chance it

Mehicans: All available already in Bonners Ferry picking hops

Paddys: Still too drunk

Pollocks: Too busy changing light bulbs

Russians: No time for a three year congressional investigation

Samoans: Can’t afford to feed them

Swedes: Too much risk of getting an Islamic terrorist

Ukranians: Can’t afford the kickbacks to Biden and Pelosi

Wops: Loss of Columbus Day hampering recruitment, National Origins Act still enforced

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Feel free have some good food, drink and conversation. And by all means, watch a movie or two with the kids and skip the festivities at Walmart. We promise that you will be richer for the experience.

Encoder Denies Addition of New Sub-Basement

 

WESTMOND, ID - Local company Encoder Products is vehemently denying the rumored new addition of a fourth sub-basement to their Sagle plant. Local sources have been speculating on the new addition construction, as what other reason could there have been for the construction site port-a-johns being placed in the parking lot for no reason in particular during the Corona lockdown.

Local conspiracy theorist Larry “Mad Dog” Fury made the connection with the port-a-johns, and vlogged about how it was obviously for the secret construction of the fourth sub-basement. Mr. Mad Dog has long postulated on the secret sub-basements of Encoder, claiming that he had proof of a secret weapons lab being run out of the original super secret sub-basement, back in 1971. His undeniable evidence was his noting of the number of ‘small’ trains that run past his house towards Encoder in the wee hours of the night, when no one else is inclined to pay attention.

Mr. Mad Dog then developed the theory that a second super secret sub-basement was constructed in 1980 to house a coca plant growing operation, with an attached cocaine lab and distribution center. Finally, Mr. Mad Dog decided in 2004 that a third super secret sub-basement had been constructed and leased back to the government, to house a super secret black site rendition facility, for all the terrorists that are caught sneaking in through the porous Canadian border.

Mr. Mad Dog says that he isn’t positive what the new super secret fourth sub-basement will be used for, but he is 90% sure that it will be something involving a weapons grade Bio Lab. Encoder’s press officer had no official comment other than to vigorously deny the allegation, but she did express concern about the tightness of Mr. Mad Dog’s tin foil hat.

Sandpoint Fine Dining: The Corndog Cart

 

SANDPOINT, ID - Outdoor dining just got a little healthier with the addition of the Corn Dog Cart to the downtown food court. Local farmer and fruity red wine fanatic Eva Sangria has opened the newest culinary delight to fight off what she claims has been “A local mediocrity in dining options.”

When asked about her eatery, Ms. Sangria said “I got the idea from my boyfriend while we were at the Super Juan deli counter. I was looking at the vegan salad options when I noticed him staring at the Jalapeno Corn Dogs and drooling like his dog does when she stares at a taco chip. I said ‘Oh Hell to the no, get away from there’, but ten minutes later he was in the frozen food section buying a value pack of the disgusting things. Right then I decided to come up with a healthy alternative that his dumbass would unknowingly eat. Hence, the creation of the Corn Dog Cart.”

For the Moose Dropping’s initial dining experience, Ms. Sangria started us off with a Panko Wrapped Cod Corndog, lightly and crisply fried in coconut oil. The main course was her famous Cucumber Corn Dog, breaded with Gluten Free hand ground maize; a surprisingly tasty combination. Both courses were complimented by a Huckleberry and Lime Sangria, that was so delicious the Moose Droppings ordered multiple glasses of it for dessert. 

While we were pleased with the offerings with the Corn Dog Cart, especially the art-crafted sangria, the Moose Droppings decided to comparison shop and ventured over to Super Juan for a dozen of their deli-fresh jalapeno corn dogs. Despite the lack of nutritional value, the one beak that we found in the ‘dog’, and the dubious nature of which exact farm animal was processed for the meat, we have to agree that Ms. Sangria’s boyfriend might be onto something. Still, give the Corn Dog Cart a try. Healthy eating isn’t all bad, and the sangria makes it worth it.

Opinion: Fixing Graffiti in Bonner County

 

Graffiti is now an issue in Bonner County. Several concrete structures, park benches, Big Belly garbage cans, light posts and signs have all been defaced in a cryptic scribble that is barely discernible. The Moose Droppings would like to offer the following observations and pro tips:

We fully understand the need for our community’s youth to aggressively mark their territory. It must be exceedingly hard for today’s young vandals to grow up in a community with so much inner city strife, gang violence, and hopelessness. How else can we expect our children to act after being immersed in the natural beauty of Bonner County, with its four seasons of activities, community spirit and educational and sports opportunities. Is it any wonder that our children seek out to emulate the MS-13 gang culture, adopt ghetto monkey fashions and music, and attempt to make uncool and illegible marks on every static object that they can find?

While we empathize with these young urban artists / aspiring rap stars, who are all working diligently to turn their lives around, may we offer them a tip? If you are going to mark your turf, at least have the common courtesy to do so in the king’s english. It would greatly help the rest of us older, oppressive citizens understand what it is that you are trying to convey in your message of despair and pleading. Also, don’t be bashful and sign your full name. Only by manning up and letting us know who you are can a meaningful dialogue be started, in order that your suffering and plight can be fully addressed. It will also help us enhance your street cred after we use your heads as sandpaper to remove your inane scribble and toss your little butts in jail. Peace, out.

Bonner Boogie Showcase

 

Resort Properties Intranational is pleased to offer this exclusive luxury motorhome, which includes almost 500 square feet of National forest with full squatter’s rights. Located in the beautiful Panhandle National Forest, not even 15 miles form Lakeview, this luxury RV has been resting in the same spot for over twenty years, qualifying it for a rare squatting exemption by the Forest Service. Styled in the same motif as Walter White and Jessie Pinkman’s classic cooking Winnebago, this rare North Idaho treasure exudes class and stature. Hill side views of trees, open and airy floor plan, and a bathroom as big as the great outdoors. Only a short one hour commute to Clark Fork. A literal steal at on $350,000.

COVID a Huge Disappointment to China, India

BEJING, CHINA - At a press conference yesterday, the Chinese and Indian (dot, not feather) governments expressed their complete disappointment with the heinous, novel and rampant corona virus. Both governments stated that they were expecting a much higher death toll, and had planned on that high death toll for fixing many of their country’s woes.

According to the Indian (dot, not feather) ambassador, “India’s population is double our beloved country’s carrying capacity. We simply cannot please to be supporting our citizens and give them any sort of quality of life. We have people starving and defecating in the streets! Although we are not sure how starving people can defecate so much. We were counting on the Corona to return our population level to something more sustainable.”

The Chinese ambassador said that “This heinous, Trump caused disease failed to meet any of our state planning goals for reducing global emissions that the evil Trump has also caused. First he unleashes a wholly ineffective pandemic, and then it does nothing to reduce the Beijing smog problems that he caused through American decadence. The WHO promised us a 400,000 reduction in our population, but that promise was broken. For the safety of the world, Never Trump Again! Ever! Now if only the Big Guy can keep that idiot Hunter off the damn internet.”

The Indian (dot, not feather) Ambassador further iterated that “We are very pleased and happy to be working with Mr. Biden in the future. Mr. Biden’s son is pleased to be on the board of our newest enterprise, which will bring back call centers to Mother India, which is where they belong. That bad, bad Trump moved our beloved call centers to America, where not one of our people could understand a word the Americans working the phones would say. Trump is bad. Very, very bad."

Something Smart: Bill Hicks

“This is where we are right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is a sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.” Bill Hicks, comedian

USBP to Move Christmas Party

 

EASTPORT, ID - To further celebrate October’s record $2.1 million dollar drug seizure, the local division of the US Border Patrol has decided to move its year-end Christmas party to a different location. The seizure included 84 pounds of cocaine, and 198 pounds of meth. Suspects were detained both in the United States as well as Canada.

According to USBP officials, morale had been waning at the regional office in Bonners Ferry, and officers had been really not looking forward to the annual Christmas party and sweater exchange that is normally held in the break room. But as the USBP now has something to celebrate, management made the decision to relocate the party to a more festive location. Many venues were considered, including the Kootenai Casino, Talus Rock, and Trinity at City Beach but with such a large haul and spirits running high,  a vote was held and employees overwhelmingly chose a week in Las Vegas.

An unidentified  source close to the investigation explained “Since we already have suspects in custody, and only a few ounces of the illicit drugs need to be kept as evidence for the trials, we all thought it would be a huge morale booster to close out the year in style. We tried to find a suitable local venue, but BNSF is no longer importing comfort women for their workers, and Wallace’s red light district has been closed for years. I mean, C’mon Man! You can’t celebrate a large cache of cocaine without hookers, amiright?”

A special account was established at a local bank to fund the party, and scads of anonymous donations in $9,900 increments have been pouring in. Additionally, agents are planning on taking a few kilos of cocaine to Las Vegas to show to their brother officers, and plan on destroying the drugs afterwards. The week-long year-end party will be held at the Bellagio penthouse, which came highly recommended from Hunter Biden. Numerous side trips to the Cottontail Ranch in Pahrump, for field research, will be featured as part of the week’s activities. Wives and girlfriends are specifically excluded from this year’s party, as the transportation and destruction of this evidence has been deemed too risky for civilians.

Voter Fraud Rampant in Bonner County

 

7B WIRE - The Idaho Elections Commission has opened an investigation into the 2020 election held last week in Bonner county. Commission Officials were concerned by the results reported by Bonner county, and an informal probe revealed much suspicious activity and probable widespread voting fraud. A formal investigation was announced at yesterday’s press conference at the Commission’s headquarters in Boise.

As reported by the Bonner county elections department, Democratic candidates received a substantial increase in votes across all contested races, as compared to past election cycles. The average number of votes cast for Democratic candidates in the 2020 election, including all federal, state and county offices, was 8,472. The Idaho Election Commission felt that this number stood out as an anomaly compared to the 2018, 2016, 2014, 2012, 2010, and 2008 average of four votes being cast for all Democratic candidates in all of those elections.

The Idaho Elections Commission traced all known registered Democrats living in Bonner county, and concluded that through 2018 there were indeed only four. They included a local community paper publisher, a perennial candidate that runs for any open office with no hope of winning, the mayor of the county’s largest town, and a crazy woman living in Clark Fork. Further investigation revealed that with the boom in Bonner county’s population growth, maybe two or three more Democrats may have snuck in, and were most likely on the largest town’s city council.

The Idaho Election Commission press secretary summed up their findings by saying “Looking at past trends and statistical analysis, the IEC can understand Democratic candidates receiving at least seven, and maybe as many as twelve votes each. But 8,472 on average? C’mon Man! That just reeks of widespread voter fraud and rampant cheating. In what reality did Democrats think that would go unnoticed? The only thing that remains confusing to the IEC, is why they would choose to cheat their way into second place, which they had a lock on before all of their fraud?” Formal charges are still pending against all four known democrats, and are expected to be filed before year-end.

Bonner Boogie Showcase

 

Thriving North Idaho business for sale. This unique flea market / auto repair / flophouse is now available for those savvy investors looking for a unique opportunity. Consistently grossing receipts in the tens of dollars annually, with 4 current tenants, one of whom actually pays rent. This property is also zoned Industrial 3, so no worrying about any EPA sanctions in the future, despite anything that you may ‘accidentally’ spill. Freshly updated paint and landscaping out front, with the potential for an oil well in the back by the old pit. Become your own boss NOW! Offered at only $1.5 million exclusively through Billy Bob’s Business Brokerage, Medical Marijuana and CBD Emporium.

Clark Fork Starts a New Tradition

 

CLARK FORK, ID - Looking to enhance diversity and culture, the town of Clark Fork is seeking to start a new tradition. Piggybacking on the Mexican Quinceaneras, the town is pushing its new KinCanPickMeNows celebrations.

Quinceaneras are a Mexican coming of age party for their young women, celebrated in conjunction with a young miss’ 15th birthday. These gatherings allow families to introduce their daughters to the communities as eligible young women, hopefully while still unpreggers, and give an excuse for family and friends to eat and drink like pigs.

The proposed KinCanPickMeNows are to take place on a young woman’s 14th birthday, the day that she can be legally married off in idaho. And unlike a quinceanera, being preggers in Clark Fork will be seen as cause for a double celebration. As Clark Fork is a small and shall we say, ‘tight knit’ community, KinCanPickMeNows seemed like a good name for the new celebration. So far, seven KinCanPickMeNows have been planned for the rest of the year, with the appropriate feasts of poached animals and roadkill plus White family moonshine reserved for the townspeople.

How to Effectively Argue, Part 8

 This is the final article in an eight part series that is intended to help our readership understand and engage in modern logic and debate techniques

Still relying on logic and reason to make your points, enhance your debates, and for letters to the editor? The Moose droppings would like to introduce you to Saul Alinsky’s 12 Rules for Radicals. The last three are:

* RULE 10: “If you push a negative hard enough, it will push through and become a positive.” Violence from the other side can win the public to your side because the public sympathizes with the underdog. (Unions used this tactic. Peaceful [albeit loud] demonstrations during the heyday of unions in the early to mid 20th Century incurred management’s wrath, often in the form of violence that eventually brought public sympathy to their side.) 

* RULE 11: “The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative.” Never let the enemy score points because you’re caught without a solution to the problem. (Old saw: If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Activist organizations have an agenda, and their strategy is to hold a place at the table, to be given a forum to wield their power. So, they have to have a compromise solution.) 

* RULE 12: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” Cut off the support network and isolate the target from sympathy. Go after people and not institutions; people hurt faster than institutions. (This is cruel, but very effective. Direct, personalized criticism and ridicule works.)

The Moose Droppings hopes that this series has been helpful, and will entice our readers to take the time to write nonsensical, illogical and emotional charged tirades and rants to the various newspapers around the county, just like the pros do now.

Knifepoint, Liberia Dealing With Covid

KNIFEPOINT, LIBERIA - Health officials in Sandpoint’s sister city, Knifepoint, are struggling to keep up with rising Covid-19 infections. Anonymous sources familiar with the pandemic have reported that the mayor of Knifepoint is now considering the curtailing of services and restricting movement in order to contain the heinous and rampant outbreak of the Cornbirus.

The source stated that the mayor is planning on closing all AIDS treatment facilities and prophylactic distribution centers, and rerouting those funds for Corona purposes. The mayor believes that with his new social distancing protocols that AIDS will no longer be spread and that the area’s birthrate will naturally decline. Health officials are also on board with these proposals as the Corona is way more heinous and trendy than the AIDS.

Knifepoint residents will also be prohibited from selling arms and munitions to any rebels or groups that have not been tested for the Cornbirus. Any such rebels and groups must have a government approved negative test result for the Covids, before they may enter Knifepoint to rearm for their next ethnic cleansing. All rebel groups will be required to adhere to the mayor’s social distancing standards during village exterminations. The one concession that the mayor made was that mass graves can continue to be used, without violating social distancing rules.

Something Smart: Doug Stanhope

 

“Democracy is the worst kind, I’m sorry but it is. 'We get to pick our leaders.' Well, what if I don’t want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own, I don’t want to be led. Is that freedom?” Doug Stanhope, Comedian