Opinion: Schools. Do We Even Need Them?

By Droppings Contributor Karen Hysteria

As a parent of two gifted children. I have to ask the question we are all asking during this uncertain time: do we even need schools anymore?

Official numbers report that the odds hover at a staggering 0.0005% that a child might contract and be killed by the silent monster of coronavirus. With two gifted children, I know I can't take that risk. Thankfully our local school district has chosen to close its doors for the safety of all our children. If it saves just one life, it will have been worth it. For the children.

The closure, however, raises a common question: who is going to watch our children during the upcoming summer months? Us? Parents rely on the schools to feed and take care of their children for nine months of the year, and normally we just have to deal with our kids for two months in the summer and two weeks around the holidays. By the time summer starts, I will have already entertained my children for three months! That will be half the year by Labor Day!

Because of the stay at home orders, parents are now feeling the full effects of having to deal with their own children for extended periods of time. I hear some saying they would have put their kids up for adoption if they had known parenting was going to be this hard. Even though my kids are gifted, I don’t appreciate the extra burden the new policies have placed on me. We pay taxes and vote for the levies so these heroes, the teachers – martyrs, even – can do this thankless job for us. Now, not so much.

My son, gifted in honors math, recently met with his teacher for their weekly three-minute Zoom session. It sure looked to me like Mr. Mackay was out fishing, and not in his home office working on creative ways to challenge my child and keep him occupied for several hours.

Local school districts have been trying for the last decade to get a supplemental levy passed for the purpose of upgrading and building new school facilities, but with this new normal the facilities won't be needed, so no more levies. With distance learning, the district doesn't need brick and mortar schools anymore, just a laptop for every teacher, and can eliminate expenditures on school buses and drivers, custodial staff, sports teams, and all extra-curricular activities. The district is saving money, as in not spending a dime, on supplies, fuel, food, and utilities, yet has also seen an increase in federal funding now that 100% of all registered students are assumed to be "in class" while at home sheltering in place in front of the TV.

I heard that all the remaining teachers and district administration just got hazard pay raises and bonuses, but meanwhile I'm managing at least ten timeouts every day and threatening spankings just so I can evenly space out my sangria spritzes.

Of course we all know that a strict attendance policy, with time spent in school in front of an engaging and knowledgeable teacher is the true key to student success. Hello, Mr. Mackay? Now it's like the schools are just compiling lists of internet sites to forward to students where they can learn about math and stuff. My daughter, who is gifted, used to be in the accelerated English class at school, but the most writing she's had to do lately was write thank-you notes to her grandparents for Christmas presents from the last few years and a three-page essay on the importance and value of her English teacher.

Despite having missed all this class time, schools will still be advancing all students to stay home and keep enrollment numbers high. We are sooo sincerely grateful for the leadership that our schools have provided during this national emergency, and for demonstrating their true value to the community by doing virtually nothing.

Now pour me another glass before I frickin' lose it!