Area Home Builder Parachutes Into Lake

7B WIRE - Police responded to a call last Tuesday of reports that a man with a cowboy hat had been seen soaring over rooftops clinging to a blue tarp. The unnamed man was later seen trudging from the shore of Lake Pend Oreille, soaking wet and shouting angrily at passersby.

A cursory review of shaky iPhone video footage posted on social media revealed that the man had been working on a roof during a wind storm. He was preparing to nail down a cheap tarpaulin for a roof cover in lieu of professional-grade tar paper when a strong gust set the tarp aflight, carrying the man with it.

Alcohol may have been involved.

Area residents shared comments such as "What the f*ck is he doing?" and "Stoned much?" on the Facebook post, which garnered several hundred comments and went viral.

Numerous women came forward, stating they recognized his hat and that it should serve as a warning beacon to all single women in the tri-county area.

"If you see that hat comin' to pick you up for a date, RUN!" commented user TruckrGal. "He's a lyin' lush, take my word."

Evidently, several reports have been filed against the unknown man during the past three months, accusing him of being a nuisance contractor whose work disturbs the peace after hours, squatting rent-free in a construction site, and frequently polluting the neighborhood with whiffs of marijuana-scented smoke.