Local Stylist OK With No Haircuts

BEYOND HOPE, ID - Local hairstylist Alotta Sangria revealed last Tuesday that she's "actually okay with" the continued closure of salons and barbershops in Michigan, where state officials have enlisted law enforcement officers to educate the public on the danger of getting and receiving haircuts.

Despite empathizing with the draconian measures and economic devastation being waged against fellow barbers, Sangria noted the lack of haircutting services has improved the handsomeness and physical appeal of some men, including Sangria's boyfriend, Jim Nauseum.

Nauseum was temporarily transferred to Marquette, Michigan last February for an undisclosed work assignment just prior to the COVID-19 outbreak. As an outsider, and unable to locate any speakeasy barbers in the area, he has not had a haircut in nearly three months.

Sangria notes she and Nauseum have engaged in nightly Zoom sessions "just to talk" while he's been away. It was only after about six weeks into the shutdown that she noticed how sexy he looked with a fuller head of hair. Nauseum has remarked that he looks "shaggy" and has threatened to run electric clippers through it, but Sangria convinced him to go natural and let it grow.

"He's always looked good, let's be honest," said Sangria. "But seeing him with longer hair really whipped my hormones into a frenzy and intensified my attraction toward him. It's so thick and healthy looking, I wish I could run my hands through it 24/7."

Sangria's salon in Hope, Sip'n 'Clip, offers a complimentary glass of wine with all beauty services. To celebrate Idaho's victory in the coronavirus battle, Sangria is running an ad campaign of internet shorts with the new theme song "Kung Flu Fighting" performed by the Wu Flu Klan. The salon is offering temporary specials on a Covid Curl (perm), Color-rona (dye job), and Color me Covid manicures.