Local Dog Fails At Retrieving

Totally adorable, knows it

SAGLE, ID - A Bonner County golden retriever, known formally as Bud, has apparently gotten through his entire life on looks and personality. For the past twelve years, his only skill is demonstrating the ability to find food and attention from any and all humans that he comes in contact with. Despite being a papered retriever, no retrieving skills have ever been performed.

His feeder/belly rubber reports “Budro has never once grasped the concept of tennis ball. We tried religiously to get him to play fetch his first two years, but gave it up as hopeless. If you throw a ball for him, he'll look at you like ‘Hey, your ball is getting away, you going to go get that or what?’ When he sees other dogs chase balls, Bud-Bud will look at them as if to say ‘Quit bringing it back, he's just going to throw it far away again’.”

Bud was reportedly taken to City Beach where he was turned loose in an effort to rid the beach of aggressive waterfowl. Upon release, Bud looked at the geese and promptly laid down in the grass for a twenty-minute nap.

“Why do I keep him around?” continued his feeder. “Well, because Budacious can always find food. Always. In the event of a global apocalypse, Budopotamus will find it, guaranteed. He also attracts adoring praise from everyone we pass every time we go for a walk.”

As of press time, Bud was spotted coming out of the lake near the loading dock where he approached a strange family, stood dripping on their beach blanket, peed on the corner of it, and ate a sandwich out of their picnic basket. The man of the family responded by rubbing Bud’s head, saying “Who’s the hungry dog?”, and giving him half a bag of taco chips.