County Proposes Solution to Housing Crisis

7B WIRE - As Bonner County continues trending toward becoming a playground for the wealthy, and Sandpoint toward an overpriced retirement haven for liberal California cash-outs, rapid growth has resulted in scarce and expensive housing.

Most of the local youth population will be unable to afford to buy a house here, given the lower than average wages and the higher than average cost of property, and will leave. Currently, the limited number of luxury rentals remain financially unviable for the average worker, like teachers and baristas, leaving a sizeable portion of renters to drift from one flophouse to another in an underground wave known as the Bonner Boogie. In one instance, a self-employed homebuilder found himself unable to afford his own home and instead took refuge in a friend's empty tack shed.

To help resolve what may develop into a problematic disparity within the next decade, local advisory board think tank Real Income for Citizens Housing (RICH) has been busy developing some novel solutions.

Proposals include designing county "communal housing projects", operating as work-release internment camps allowing the poorer native population and workers on a budget a place to stay, possibly behind a landfill where they would be less obvious. The projects would offer affordable housing for the indigent, like teachers, and would guarantee a steady pool of workers and service personnel for future wealthy landowners. The rural locations would keep the working class out of sight during prime dining and socializing hours.

Another option on the table involves busing in workers from Spokane, running a shuttle service from the downtown 7-11 on Division to the Sandpoint Conoco. This would benefit local homeowners as they could have maids and gardeners on demand, and traveling workers could enjoy the two-hour commutes by relaxing or catching up on sleep from the two to three full-time jobs needed to survive.

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A third proposal suggested by RICH, though proving to be somewhat controversial, recommends that the county consider retroactive eugenics. Manual labor can and always will be imported from Mexico and Guatemala, where those workers already understand their place in society and don’t mind living off site. With the undesirable native citizenry eliminated,  wealthy landowners can better enjoy all the amenities that Bonner County has to offer. The move would also introduce more diversity for the community, and give children the opportunity to learn Spanish from their new nannies.