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This is the first article in an eight part series that is intended to help our readership understand and engage in modern logic and debate techniques
Bonner County enjoys a small but vocal population that love to write letters to the editor and other opinion pieces. The Moose Droppings believes that more of the county’s residents would like to voice their opinions in print, but are unsure how to be effective. Therefore, the Moose Droppings is starting a series on how to write effective arguments, as demonstrated by print media’s regular contributors. This first article will deal with racism.
For the sake of argument, say a letter from one Dee Santos condemned the community for not embracing hispanic culture and properly celebrating Cinco de Mayo. As a first time author, you could lay out the rational argument that as an American of say, Irish descent, you have no clue why Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo, just as the Mexicans generally have no clue about the origins of St. Paddy’s day. Further, being from Bonner County, you could actually care less, as both days are just another excuse to go out for a night and have some dinner and a lot of drinks.
While at first glance this might appear to be a rational and sincere explanation of your apathy towards the history of these dates, this argument will not be effective nor convincing. A better tactic would be to call anyone with an opposing viewpoint a Racist, and chastise them for denigrating your Irish heritage. Remind them also that not all hispanics are of Mexican descent, and that assuming so also makes them Racist. Avoid any semblance of rational discourse, and simply yell Racism, Racism, Racism as loud as possible. Heck, use all caps as it will make your letter even more effective: RACISM!
SANDPOINT, ID - Bonner Dental Health is expanding services. The longtime dental practice will be adding a drive through coffee window, and converting half of its office space into a hot yoga studio. Dr. Toof explained that as a result of the heinous Corona pandemic that devastated Bonner county, he wanted to diversify his business portfolio to include some essential services.
“Being a dentist, my old business model was declared unessential by the government. I had to lay off my staff of ten and almost lost my business to bankruptcy. Never again. I therefore decided to add in some essential services to make sure that I can remain open in case the Corona flares up again, or they invent some new reason to screw with my practice.”
“I reviewed all of the essential services, and at first thought that adding in a liquor store or pot shop would have synergistic appeal for my dental practice, But pot shops are still illegal here and the state owns all the liquor stores. I then noticed that Sandpoint doesn’t have enough coffee stands or hot yoga, and as these are essential businesses, I figured why not?” Dr. Toof’s new facility is now open with unlimited access, except for the dentistry part.
Patients requiring dental treatment or cleanings must wait in their cars until notified that they may enter the practice, must wear feel-good face masks at all times except when specifically receiving treatment, and must leave immediately after being treated. For anyone wishing a coffee or a yoga session, they may enter whenever, face masks are not required, and lingering is encouraged.
SANDPOINT, ID - The Sandpoint Chapter of Black Life Matters (we have one confirmed resident person of color) have approached the Supreme Leader and High Council with a list of demands. At the forefront, are multiple ultimatums for “restorative justice”. The Supreme Leader has agreed that “restorative justice” will be necessary for our community going forward, to eliminate any hate thought or actions that do not invoke state sponsored love.
Anyone exhibiting non-inclusive love actions, speaking or writing hate speech, or who may be suspected of thinking of hateful or non-inclusive hate thoughts will be sent for Restorative Justice Reeducation. A camp has been set up in an undisclosed location, where violators will be taken for instruction on love and happy thoughts, and to do work for the benefit of those who have been persecuted, so that Justice may be restored.
The Ministry of Truth and Propaganda will be in charge of running the Restorative Justice and Reeducation camp. The Ministry of Peace and Retribution will be in charge of rounding up all suspected and convicted violators for restoration and reeducation. The Ministry of Peace and Genocide will be responsible for the construction of the camp.
The Supreme Leader is happy with the multi-Ministry collaboration for this project, and wants all of his subject….citizens to know that together we can stamp out hate thought and bring forth a community of state approved love, racial harmony and inclusiveness.
The Ministry of Truth and Propaganda would like to remind all subj…citizens that approved love speak is available on the High Council’s website.
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BONNER COUNTY, ID - The Sandpoint Ministry of Truth and Propaganda, along with the Bonner County Human Rights Workers Party has announced the creation of NIGRO, the North Idaho Greater Retailers Organization. NIGRO has been tasked by the Supreme Leader to take over the ‘Love Lives Here’ campaign, to process any voluntary donations that local merchants might contribute to the program, and to ensure that any business that displays a Love Lives Here sticker not be harmed in any kind of future civil unrest that may occur.
NIGRO will also serve as a forum for any recently woke overweight white women to gather in numbers, so that they may use consciousness raising as a social tool. In order to appear diverse, woke, and racial inclusive, all NIGRO events will feature snack service as recommended by the Supreme Leader, including fried chicken, collared greens, grits and watermelon. Also, inclusive music will be played, featuring Gansta Rap that encourages the defunding, dismantling and murder of all police, and the necessity of all white women to submit to their obvious person of color masters. All of the above has been decreed as inclusive, non-misogynistic and woke by the Supreme Leader.
A recent Bonner Daily Bee article described the rising sport of Action Shooting in the Inland Northwest. An accompanying picture to the story showed the author of said article engaging an array of innocuous steel targets of various shapes and sizes. The article described the sport of Action Shooting, listed local ranges where athletes can find competitions, and made mention of the national and international sanctioning bodies.
A few days later, another area man wrote a Letter to the Editor of that publication, describing how he perceived the accompanying picture to the story. The man went into detail how he saw the targets as innocent folks and children, and that the photo appeared to be an ‘active shooter’ type of training. While the Moose Droppings appreciates a robust imagination, we must seriously question the mental faculties of this Letter to the Editor writer.
How has this person performed on other Rorschach inkblot tests? We assume that he is under psychiatric care by someone, somewhere. Has local law enforcement been made aware of his homicidal thoughts and tendencies? Surely we can prevent another mass shooting by not ignoring the early warning signs that this person is demonstrating. Maybe it is a cry for help on his part.
The Moose Droppings believes in the responsible usage of firearms for all citizens of this great nation, but if ever a restriction were needed it is for the violently homicidal, mentally ill. The Moose Droppings would like to encourage area gun stores and shooting facilities to refuse service to this disturbed individual, until he can receive the treatment he so desperately needs. Rest assured, the Moose Droppings will be dropping a dime to local law enforcement on the author of this Letter to the Editor, lest he become the next mass shooter of innocent men, women and children.
SANDPOINT, ID - Social media exploded with images of a local white man taking a knee in front of a woman of color at a local eatery. As this occurred after a racism rally, other patrons at the restaurant started clapping and cheering, got up from their meals and knelt in solidarity, and then produced their protest signs and began chanting “Black Lives Matter” and “End Racism Now”.
The kneeling white man appeared confused, but then produced a diamond ring of some sort, and offered it to the woman of color. The other patrons assumed that he was making reparations for the years of oppression that he and his entire family must have inflicted upon the poor woman, and immediately joined in by offering the woman any and all jewelry, watches and money that they possessed.
The man and woman reacted by stating that they were not robbing the place, that the man was trying to propose, and could the rest of the patrons either be happy for them in their moment or just leave them the hell alone? The racists ralliers went back to their meals, and congratulated themselves for making a difference. The eatery made its reparations by comping the couples’ desserts and congratulating them.
She went looking for the solution
To a problem that did not exist
She found an answer and found some friends there
Consciousness raising as a social tool
She went looking for some direction
And to ease her loneliness somehow
She left her husband and she left her family
'Cause she prays to a new god now
Feeding the hunger, feeding the wonder
Feeding the need to believe
Looking for love and looking for someone
Looking for somewhere to be
BONNER COUNTY, ID - After Stage 4 of the heinous and novel Cornbirus recovery was announced, Governor Little graciously allowed the state’s bars to reopen, and the results were spectacular. Bonner County’s most notorious drunks, along with regular citizens tired of having nowhere to mingle, hit the bars like never before. The 912 reported that it had its best day ever sales wise, nearly tripling the old record. The P&A also did more than double their previous sales record as well. The party continued all the way through the Fourth of July weekend.
But the bars were not the only winners. Law enforcement, in need of serious cash since the economy was crashed by governmental edict for no apparent reason, showed up in force to generate what one officer called “some serious revenue.” State, County and local law enforcement descended upon the area, to engage in a shark-like feeding frenzy of handing out tickets and arresting suspected DUI drivers.
The same unidentified officer stated that “Our department's funding comes from tax revenues and a portion of the fines we generate from tickets and fines. With the economy crashed, we felt that we had no choice other than to issue more citations and make more arrests. With the bars closed, even our Widows and Orphans fund took a serious hit, and we need to recover that cash somehow.”
In total, a record 158 DUI’s were issued, along with 183 speeding citations and another 246 other moving violations. All arrests and citations were enforced upon caucasians. The White and Inman clans were especially hard hit, racking up 94 of the DUI’s and 207 of the speeding and other moving violations. Other Idaho counties also relayed the same good fortunes occuring to their departmental budgets.
May you be blessed with family and friends, the people who love you and those that you love. All the rest is bullshit.
