BONNER COUNTY, ID - After Stage 4 of the heinous and novel Cornbirus recovery was announced, Governor Little graciously allowed the state’s bars to reopen, and the results were spectacular. Bonner County’s most notorious drunks, along with regular citizens tired of having nowhere to mingle, hit the bars like never before. The 912 reported that it had its best day ever sales wise, nearly tripling the old record. The P&A also did more than double their previous sales record as well. The party continued all the way through the Fourth of July weekend.
But the bars were not the only winners. Law enforcement, in need of serious cash since the economy was crashed by governmental edict for no apparent reason, showed up in force to generate what one officer called “some serious revenue.” State, County and local law enforcement descended upon the area, to engage in a shark-like feeding frenzy of handing out tickets and arresting suspected DUI drivers.
The same unidentified officer stated that “Our department's funding comes from tax revenues and a portion of the fines we generate from tickets and fines. With the economy crashed, we felt that we had no choice other than to issue more citations and make more arrests. With the bars closed, even our Widows and Orphans fund took a serious hit, and we need to recover that cash somehow.”
In total, a record 158 DUI’s were issued, along with 183 speeding citations and another 246 other moving violations. All arrests and citations were enforced upon caucasians. The White and Inman clans were especially hard hit, racking up 94 of the DUI’s and 207 of the speeding and other moving violations. Other Idaho counties also relayed the same good fortunes occuring to their departmental budgets.
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