Farmer Pleased With Coronavirus

COCOLALLA, ID - Area cattleman Naven Johnson is "ecstatic" that the novel coronavirus has invaded North Idaho, according to neighbors who spoke with the man while he was picking up his mail from the mailbox. When asked why, Johnson stated "Before the virus, I had to worry about going to work all the time, you see. But with the virus shutting everything down and me being non-essential, now I get to drive my tractor all day, up 'til it gets dark. If they keep droppin' the gas prices I can even afford to run it at night!”

Johnson was questioned as to why he's using his tractor so much and what he's working on, saying “My wife is also non-essential and stuck at home with me, so if I wasn't on the tractor then I'd have to listen to that—well, what I mean is as long as I’m out here on the machine I can't hear my phone ring and I can move all the downed trees from last month’s storm around. I haven't decided which ones to take to the mill and which ones to cut into firewood, so I just move the timbers around into random piles.”

When queried over his "happy go lucky attitude" during these uncertain times and if he was concerned about catching the disease, Johnson said “Nyope, even though I’m what one might consider to be high risk because I’m older than dirt, I’m on an old country farm in North Idaho. Ain't nothin' out here. Plus I hear I can now file for unemployment, more farm subsidies, and that I’m going to get a bonus check from the government. This corona thing has been a huge win-win for me! I can’t wait to see what they come up with next.”